Hi, I'm Piper Harris, licensed professional counselor, and welcome to the Untangled Mind Podcast. This is a show for people who want to understand why their mind works the way it does, not just how to cope with it. Drawing from neuropsychology, neurophilosophy, and data-driven CBT, we look at how anxiety and trauma shape perception, behavior, and choice and what actually helps people change. I'm an integrative CBT therapist based in the Atlanta suburbs. Each episode is designed to teach you something concrete, how to recognize what's keeping you stuck, how to interrupt unhelpful patterns, and how to move forward with clarity and steadiness. Over the past episodes, we've walked through the triphasic model of trauma recovery with care and depth. Stage one is safety. Stage two, remembrance and mourning, and now stage three, reconnection. This series has been created for survivors, their loved ones, and the clinicians who want a grounded, responsible understanding of trauma-informed care. After establishing safety and doing the hard work of remembrance and mourning, a new chapter becomes possible. Stage three is about reconnection with yourself, with others, and with a future that is no longer defined solely by what happened to you. This is not about going back to normal. It's about creating a life that feels meaningful, authentic, and worth living. This is reconnection. And then the trauma story has been mourned and also integrated. The focus shifts from survival and processing pain to actively building a life that includes joy and relationships and purpose and a real sense of self that is larger than the trauma. In this stage, reconnection involves three primary domains. So the first one is reconnection with self, the second one is reconnection with others, and the third is reconnection with the larger sense of community or the sense of meaning. So this stage recognizes that trauma changes us, excuse me, but it does not have to define us forever. So there's a real neuroscience to this idea of reconnection. Neurobiologically, as the nervous system moves out of chronic survival mode, the prefrontal cortex, the one that's responsible kind of up here for our executive functioning, planning, and emotional regulation, it becomes more available. So the brain's reward and social connect connection systems that involve things like oxytocin, we call that the cuddle hormone, dopamine, and something called the ventral vagal complex can all come back online. And so what this does is it creates this amazing capacity for new learning and trust and even pleasure. A lot of times when I have clients come in that have sustained real serious trauma, most of them say to me, I can't feel Piper. And so what we call that is anhedonia. They've lost that ability to feel joy and pleasure. Well, when we step into stage through three, we're gonna start getting those systems back online. But what I want to say is that reconnection is rarely, rarely, rarely linear. Just like I've said through this whole see this whole series, the the triphasic model is not a linear model. We're constantly hopping between different stages, and that's absolutely supposed to happen. There's nothing wrong. And so, listeners, you might be, excuse me, saying, you know, oh yeah, I'm totally in stage three. And then maybe something throws you for a loop. There's there's nothing wrong with you. This is this is very common. Many, many survivors um, they experience grief waves, even in this stage, as they mourn um the person that they might have been without the trauma, and this is completely normal and healthy. And oftentimes what we see with this too is as you grow through these stages, you might recognize that old relationships no longer serve you. There is enormous existential work in stage three. So, stage three, um it's it's uh very difficult work. Uh, what I'll say is that after surviving trauma and doing the labor of the remembrance of the morning, so really the exposure work that you'll see in stage two, the survivor often faces very profound questions. One being, now what? You know, how how do I build a life that feels meaningful after everything that has happened? This takes place a lot of times here in session where I'll see that an individual has gotten to that space of able to step out of the trauma work and I'll say, nobody wishes that our trauma happened. Nobody wish wishes that. But who are you today without it? And this sounds like a terrible question to ask someone that maybe has suffered, you know, sustained um traumatic histories, but the stage it's that's an important question because the stage is really frequently the most difficult stage for people to contemplate. Yes, the remembrance part and the exposure part is very, very painful, but a lot of survivors they've spent so long in survival mode or in the intensity of that remembrance that even imagining a future beyond the trauma can feel extremely overwhelming, frightening, and oftentimes impossible. And so the idea of reconnection, it can stir up that grief about the person that they might have been, or it's like the fear of vulnerability comes up, or anxiety about trusting life again, or just trusting life. Maybe they realize that they never had a modicum of trust ever. And so stepping into that and learning trust can be um enormous, enormous. What I love about this stage is I often turn people to Victor Frankel. And uh, he's a psychiatrist and a Holocaust survivor, and he spoke so, so powerfully in his book, The Man's Search for Meaning. So Frankel observed much of what I'm talking about today. So he observed that even in the most horrific circumstances, human beings they they retain the freedom to choose their attitude and to find meaning. He argued the case that suffering ceases to be suffering when it finds meaning. One of the things that we talk about in here as well, when we go through the triphasic model, and and I'll be discussing this a little bit more. Sorry, I have a lone hair. Um, I'll be discussing this more in upcoming blogs, is that therapy is not a magic wand. I can do every exposure technique, prolonged exposure, EMDR, trauma-intensives, I can do all of these things. I have the workbook, I have the untangled mind pathway, but they are simply tools. They're not a magic wand. And so what we have to consider is that we learn to suffer well. And I know if you've listened to this series and you've gotten to know me, I say this a lot. That I do not believe in a life that does not consist of some sort of suffering, not in this world. And so that is one of the greatest parts of stage three is looking at suffering in a deep, in a deeper way. What's the meaning for the suffering? And in stage three, you know, survivors they often engage in the same search as Victor Frankel. So they move away from like, why did this happen to me toward what kind of meaning can I create from this? I'm sorry, I have a frog in my throat this morning. So this existential work involves uh reauthoring your life's narrative so that the trauma is just one chapter, not the entire book. Now, granted, if you're listening, you're like Piper, but my whole life was trauma. And I hear you with that. When we work through these stages, it's not denying what we've gone through. That is not what I'm saying. It's by saying to ourselves, I'm going to re-author this, this narrative of this story. It's not going to be trauma as the narrator. I'm I'm going to choose to narrate how moving forward. You know, when I was preparing for this, I was thinking about um, oh gosh, the 80s movie um with Treo and a Treo and why uh never ending never ending story? I think it's never ending story. Um, but I think I might be conflating two different 80s movies that were awesome. It was Fred Savage. Do you remember that? And uh the Columbo guy was reading to him as grandfather, I think. All that to be said, um, what I love about that part of the movie is one, we can all imagine uh stepping into a story we wish we were a part of, just like that movie in the 80s. Gosh, I think it's never-ending story. This is gonna drive me nuts. I'm gonna go back and watch it. Pretty sure I love that movie. Um, but we can all imagine that. What I want you to imagine, if you are of a certain age, is you are listening to that story and you can step into that story and you can start being part of that narration of the story. It no longer has to be a book that's already written. You get to continue to write it. Does that make sense? So during this stage, you reclaim values in your purpose and identity that may have been lost or shattered. And here's what I want to say you might say, but I don't know what those are. And again, we're talking talking about this stage can be very, very discouraging and scary because it's like, I don't, I don't actually know what my identity is outside of what was took place to me or what happened with me. So this can be a little scary. But in stage three, what I really want to encourage you again, remember this is not linear. We hop back and forth. You might start building your values and recognizing what your values are, and then you have to go back to stage one as a touch point, as safety. That's okay. Or something comes up again, and okay, I need to go back to stage two, and I need to do some more reprocessing. That's okay. That's the whole point. And in stage three, what happens is we rebuild a sense of agency and a future orientation. And again, this can be very scary for some people because that future orientation, maybe it's them alone, and that's even scarier. Like, well, this trauma has consumed my life, and if I think forward, I'm very alone without the trauma. So it can be disorienting, but it is a necessary process of stage three. And a lot of times um people find ways to contribute, um, to create or connect that um feels more authentic rather than obligatory. People that have sustained pretty um intense trauma are very good at masking. Um, they have created defensive mechanisms that have protected them for many, many, many years. And so then when they start going into this new experience, it's um unnerving. And because they know that they're they're moving into this growth work, they're trying to step into authentic um uh relationship. And that's unnerving, right? Because it's no longer a mask, it's no longer obligatory. I have to go to work, I have to get along with people. It's I I get to go to work or I get to make new relationships. So other thinkers have also um expanded on this terrain. So the stage three, Judith Herman's triphasic model, I think the world of it. But there's so many wonderful people that have really spoken to this phase. And so obviously have talked about Frankel. Some other ones are Rolo May, love his work, and Irvin Yalom. Oh, one of his best books, I think it was called On Counseling, Love Irvin Yalom. So their idea is this existential psychology, and they emphasize that confronting the givens of existence, okay, death, freedom, isolation, and meaninglessness, suffering, that we have to choose how to live in spite of them. So the first thing that we do is we have to confront the givens in our life, death, freedom to make choice, isolation, and meaninglessness. In and of those selves, they won't cause harm. They won't cause harm. But for so long, those feelings and sensations have been so intense that oftentimes people don't want to confront them. People come in here sometimes and they feel all of these things, the death, or the they're taking the choice, the freedom that they have to look at those things that they once avoided, and it causes extraordinary pain. And then they come in here, and again, I'm gonna write a blog series on this, and I see hostility come up because they are finally confronting those givens of living life on this earth, and it pisses them off. And I get that because nobody really wants to confront this. What I will say is the individuals that are able to confront that this life includes suffering, and I can do what I can with it, they they live a life that's more, I don't know if I want to say grounded because I don't want it to sound like that they're better then, but they're able to transcend um some of life's most difficult things. Um, a personal story, we have somebody in our um family who's really suffering. My gosh, I apologize. Who's really suffering? And prior to this stage was very much the words and actions of I'm confronting these things and I'm doing these things. But ultimately what we're seeing is they were kind of like those affirmations that I tell everybody they don't work. It was almost, I'm gonna rehearse these over and over and over again so I don't have to actually confront this life of existence. And so what's happened is those affirmations, remember Stuart Smalley on SNL, again, showing my age. But you can't lie to your brain. You can't say to your brain, my life is great, there's nothing wrong with it, and I'm gonna bloom where I planted, and everything is gonna work out because eventually, when life doesn't work out, what are you left with? You're you're left with these um saccharine episodes, right? They're sweet going down, but then there's nothing left. All they were was sweetness, there's no sustenance to it. So we have to confront those givens of existence. So for trauma survivors, reconnection often means facing these givens with new courage and choosing life anyway. You hear that? We've we go through life with courage and choosing life anyway. In in we're holding both, right? We're holding the challenges of existence, life, suffering, death, freedom, meaninglessness, and we're holding, I have a choice, I can have courage and I can make a life of meaning. So reconnection isn't about returning to who you were before the trauma. I hear that all the time. I hear people say all the time, well, I remember when before this, and I always say to them, I always challenge them, part of the pain that you're in is you keep trying to reach back to the person before, and your brain is saying, hold on a second, I don't want to be that person before, because maybe the brain has decided that that was a dangerous persona, even though you value it. Keep in mind the brain, its greatest function is um scanning for threat detection. So if you keep going back to the past before that thing happened, the brain is like, whoa, whoa, whoa, man, I'm I don't want to go back to that human being because this thing happened after that human being. So there was something I missed. Does that make sense? So stop trying to grab from the past, stop trying to return to before trauma. It's about introgating, integrating, excuse me, the experience and growing into a wiser, uh, more compassionate and more intentional version of yourself. So this is where post-traumatic growth comes from and where it becomes really visible, not because the trauma was good. No one would ever say the trauma was good, but because the survivor has done the hard work of making meaning from it. I've been very um honest in uh with my own survival uh as a rape victim. And so over the years, um I avoided it just like everybody did. Everybody does with their trauma. Like, I'm not gonna look over here, look over there, look over here, look over there. And um, even when I started um into this field in 1997, my advisor said, Piper, go to therapy. And what was really interesting as I reflect back on that is that my therapist and I worked with more interpersonal relationships, especially my mother and I, um, because I was just struggling. I was a young kid. And um, that's kind of where our focus was. But we never, I never, I never went into the rape because I was like, nope, it's fine, it's gone. It's I'm not gonna think about it. I never ever considered it. However, as I reflect back, I see the enormous impact it had on everyday living, how I um walked through life, how I saw people, how I saw myself. And until I looked at it and I went through, I didn't know I was going through this triphasic model. I didn't know this. This was back in uh probably, I really started working in it probably in like 2003. I started really, really looking at it. I I didn't really, I didn't know anything about this. But I can see in retrospect how I the avoidance made it worse. And I had to learn to find my safety and my say my touch points. That was my husband. He really allowed me to have that safety that I'd never felt in relationship with a man. And then I had to go through the difficult work of processing. And listen, my processing has spanned um from about 2004 until like now. Um, and so we we have to do that important work because things come up. But what's so cool is the meaning making, is the post-traumatic growth. I would never, ever, ever, ever say that I'm really grateful that I was raped. Never. And I know this might come across as like really um, I don't want to say callous, like uh flippantly, maybe. And I and I'm not trying to say that. One, I I'm not gonna go into details because that's not good for you, and that's not good for me, because I recognize what it can do to me. It's not an avoidance, but I recognize uh where that could go. This is not flippancy. This is me saying, I do the work, I look at the work, I continue to do the work. Does that make sense? So I've made meaning of that experience. But what's interesting about the work is I always tell people, your trauma network is like this like really, really tight, um, rigid network. And it kind of brings in all the bad experiences of life. Because again, our brain, what does it do? It scans for danger, scans for danger. It's it's pretty miraculous, you know, it's intuitions, it's you know, but what happens is we bring in things and everything becomes danger. When you start walking through this process, I tell my clients it kind of opens up and it becomes like a colander. So then we can start making kind of bridges out and making meaning. And this is that post-traumatic growth. So hear me when I say this is not flippantly. I've done the work. I continue to do the work and I continue to open up the colander and bridge out. I do not believe, I do not believe I would be the therapist I am today if I did not have that atrocity um done against me. I wish I had no memories of that. I wish that had never taken place in my life. But you know what? Um, if I am left to either only focus on what was taken from me violently, or if I'm allowed to choose how to look moving forward, I sure as hell might choose to look forward. Because to live behind, to live back there, um, I can't do it. I can't do it. And so that's what I'm saying. It's it's that hard work, it's that post-traumatic growth, but it is hard work. And so there's some practical dimensions to this reconnection process to this stage three. Reconnection, I want to say this looks different for absolutely everyone. Um, it may include um exploring new interests or even returning to old ones with fresh eyes. It's not I want to be that girl again, it's I want to go and explore it. Um before everything happened to me, I used to love rock climbing. And I tried re-experiencing rock climbing in one of these indoor rock climbing places. Hell no. I tried to go back to that. I was like, what was I thinking? And so I actually realized my going and we go rock climbing, it was um on this like reservoir, and then we'd jump in the reservoir. But I realized with the amount of education and work that I've done, that I was actually taking place in some risky behavior um to transcend the pain that the avoidance was causing me. So when I went back to explore old interests, and I'm like up on that wall, and I am telling you, I froze. And I mean, I was all buckled in, which I never was when I was a kid. I never was. Um, we just reclimbed and then jumped into the reservoir. Like I look back at that and I'm like, what the hell was I thinking? Um, so you might explore new interests or return, return to old ones with fresh eyes. Messed you like me, and I was like, hell no, I don't need to do this ever again. So you'll explore new interests or return to old ones with new eyes. You'll learn to trust again and you start small with very low risk connections. And that's what I love about this work in here is that people get to test that out with me first. And I'm very explicit with my clients. Like, listen, I'm a human being. I'm gonna screw up too. I might cause you pain, but this is this is part of human connection. So we have to learn to connect together and you have to learn to say those things to me, like, hey, Piper, that hurt my feelings, or that's not cool, or we start joking around. Like you start in those low-risk connections, and I recognize that I'm a low risk because it's just us in here, right? The people don't see this as real life, but this is where you start practicing those um trusting connections. Um, a lot of people start sending boundaries in relationships while also remaining open to intimacy. One of the things that trauma steals from all of us is this idea of intimacy. And intimacy doesn't mean sex all the time. Intimacy means um showing our our really tender underbelly, and that can be very, very difficult, especially like if you're a first responder. You have seen the most ugly side of human nature. So for you to remain um open to relationship can can feel like this is the most dangerous situation ever. But that's why setting boundaries within that process is so very important. And again, I've talked a lot about boundaries. Um, there's a great blog, I think it was great, and we talk about the pool, and there's a uh podcast on it too. So um go back and read that and listen to that because it helps you kind of identify what boundaries are. Um, a lot of people they find purpose through work, creativity, volunteering, and even advocacy. Uh, one of the greatest ways to find healing is to step into um the area that you were hurt in, or kind of a parallel area. I see a lot of people transcend their trauma by doing that. Um, and so that can be very beneficial. And what I always pray for from all of my clients is that they develop a spiritual or a philosophical framework that makes sense after the trauma. Uh, all the literature, everyone, and you might not believe in anything. You might think the idea of God or the universe or whatever is hoo-y, but if you go back and read the literature, the research, there's thousands of studies that those that develop a spiritual framework to live by, they're the ones that can truly transcend trauma. So uh for clinicians, I want to say this real quickly to support clients in experimenting with new behaviors and relationships. Um, this is very scary. So come up, come up with a list, help them tolerate the vulnerability that comes with opening up again. I mean, we've got to help them, we've got to assist them. Like, heck, you could just do like a fear hierarchy, you know, and in uh grade amount, like uh saying hello to the person at the grocery store, you know, that's checking me out. That's like a 10 10% discomfort on the sud-scale, subjective unit of distress. Um, or like um, maybe you're single and you're gonna go on the apps. That's like 95% distress. Like start doing some behavioral experiments because we do have to build the tolerance for vulnerability. We can't just jump straight in. We we have to build on that tolerance. It's again, it's just a form of exposure therapy. Um, because what happens with that when we start building that tolerance is that we start opening up again. And so celebrate those small wins with those clients and normalize setbacks, clinicians. I mean, we all know that, right? We should normalize setbacks. But when we're doing the trauma work, again, none of this is linear. Absolutely none of this is linear. Okay, so let's talk about some challenges, red flags, green flags, and the nonlinear. Um, so stage three, although it's very hopeful, it does come with its own challenges. And I've kind of touched on some of those. So, reconnection does require vulnerability, and vulnerability can feel terrifying after a trauma or after a sustained traumatic history. So, here's some red flags. So, for clinicians, you need to be aware if you're pushing clients toward life changes or new relationships or like positive growth before they've really genuinely integrated the trauma story. Um, this is a red flag. Um, or you're minimizing ongoing grief or the need to cycle back to safety. I hear this all the time. Um, people are like, well, they should have gotten over the loss of their spouse. They've been upset for the last five years. Hold on a second. Yes, there's something called complicated or prolonged grief, but hold on a second. If you keep minimizing what they're doing and you minimize their need to go back to stage one, you're not being a good clinician. So focusing only on strengths while avoiding the client's continued pain is also a very, very, very big red flag. So those of you that are listening listening, hey, you need to pay attention. If you you you need to be challenged, I'm not gonna say that um you just sit in stage one, but we we as clinicians titrate, titrate stage two. So um, but if you're being pushed too fast or you're not being pushed at all, it really is this kind of um uh titrated process. And and you really need a clinician that's genuinely aware of what that's going to look like. Okay, so for clients and survivors, um, if you're rushing into big decisions like quitting jobs or ending and starting relationships or major moves as a way, as a way to um avoid feeling the grief of what was lost, that's not good. Or you're staying stuck in isolation because opening up feels too risky, or expecting reconnection to feel consistently positive rather than a mix of hope and sorrow. You need to be aware of these red flags for yourself as well. Okay. You cannot um jump too quickly into big big moves. Okay. You cannot avoid the grief that has to be that comes along with this process. You have to have to contemplate the grief and confront the grief. There is no ifs, ands, or buts. You've got to confront it. You've got to confront um, you know, uh what Frankel talks about, the the suffering was there and what you lost with it. And again, staying stuck in isolation is also very scary. You have to push beyond that. Um, some of my clients that um have really done some extraordinary work for them to step out of the isolation and go out into the world scares the crap out of them. But it's so cool as a clinician to see them like, okay, I'm choosing courage today, regardless of how I feel, because we talk about that. Feelings are not always facts, right? The brain has been um trained to believe everything is dangerous. And so um they recognize those those old cues, and so they push beyond it. Um, and here's the other thing, you know, you cannot expect the stage three. Well, for some reason, my recording says I went too long. So I apologize for the stiltedness, but you can't. It is really truly incredible how bad technology has been for me. So you get to listen to the rest of the podcast without seeing my face. It'll be okay. So let's talk about um, hopefully, I'm not repeating myself too much, but let's talk about some red flags. We've already kind of touched on those. We don't want to rush into decisions. Clinicians, you can't push too far. So let's talk about green flags, uh, the signs of readiness and progress. So these are some really beautiful indicators for you that reconnection and integration is taking root. So for clinicians to notice, what you're gonna notice in this stage, because listen, we don't actually name, hey, you're in stage three. You might bring it up later, but you're gonna mention these things first. So when we're talking about this stage, you might notice a client begins to spontaneously talk about the future. So they're gonna be talking about plans and hopes or possibilities. They might even be start starting to talk about creating relationships. So they're not being consumed by the past. And their demeanor really does shift toward more curiosity and playfulness and more lightness in the session. So there's gonna be more laughter, there might be more off-colored jokes. Um, I always know when my clients kind of start edging into this, is they tell more off-colored jokes and they cuss more. So funny, they'll cuss, it's a different kind of cussing. It's a it's a fun cussing. And they're always like, oh, sorry, I shouldn't cuss. And I have to remind them, it's okay. I've been married to a cop for 22 years. So any of my first responders, y'all know what I'm talking about. You guys have filthy mouths. But it's really neat for clinicians to notice this because you really can see, okay, they are they are firmly stepping into this. And what you'll also notice is that your client will have a greater capacity to regulate emotions. And they they can experience waves of grief that come along with trauma, obviously, without without becoming overwhelmed by them. So it might look like they they have the grief, they have the pain. Maybe they have a brief breakdown rather than it, you know, derailing them and staying in bed for a whole weekend or you know, going out and getting hammered. You know, it's it's going to be that they're regulating much more and they might come back into session and say, gosh, you know, compared to last year, I wouldn't have been able to do this. And so it's really incredible. So for those of you, clients, survivors, this is what you'll notice in yourself. You're gonna be able, like I just mentioned, to better ride those emotional waves instead of being swept away by them. I constantly talk to my clients about holding. Holding is this really obnoxious idea of I'm going to hold this grief, this pain, this trauma while also holding my hope, my joy for my future. It is a very difficult process. We don't want you to become overwhelmed with the pain, that sort of thing. So we hold it and we utilize the tools to hold it and not get swept up. Um, and so you're gonna feel more regulated, right? In your body, you're gonna notice that you're able to connect more with people without losing yourself. You might notice that you don't feign, you don't mask when you're around people because you feel safer, or you're gonna notice that you're not freezing. There's not a freeze response. So that's gonna happen. What's really neat too is you're gonna have more moments of genuine joy and pleasure. One of the things with trauma is that we often see this anodonia. Um, and I I talk to my clients about what is anedonia. We also talk a lot about getting into our body. I talk to them about the insula and how that affects um how we feel into our body. And you're gonna notice this lightness that comes into your life. You're gonna have more interest, and life is gonna seem a little bit more interesting. This is not like turning on a light switch. This is gonna come in gradations for you. It's not um, it's one day is great, and then it's all gonna go away. That's not how this works. So there's gonna be gradations in feeling pleasure and joy and laughter and interest in life. It's a wonderful, wonderful thing. And so you might not be where you want to be 100%, but this is absolutely an indication that you're moving towards that reconnection and integration. And what you'll also notice, and this is really incredible, you're gonna notice you're experiencing a gentle return of those really good neurotransmitters, one of them being dopamine, which is our motivation-driven neurotransmitter. So you're gonna look forward to doing things, you're gonna have these sparks of curiosity that lead you into doing new things. Um, you're gonna want to try new experiences. So, what I I love about the work that I get to do is that I talk to my clients about and educate them about this is what's happening with you neurobiologically. We we look at the trauma, but we forget that there's a whole brain that's part of this process that you're going through. And so we learn about neurotransmitters. We learn about, you know, why does Piper have me identify where I feel this in my body? Well, because we're activating the insula. The insula is key, key in trauma integration, and reconnection. So it's just, it's just really a lot of fun when um clients come in and they're like, hey, I've noticed I have more dopamine. I went for a bike ride, and that is so weird for me. I'll never forget. I had a client and she came in and she's like, This is crazy. I went to a coffee shop all by myself. And so I just smiled. I'm like, there's that dopamine, it's coming back. And so it's um it's just really incredible. And as clinicians, I really want to urge everyone not only do you need to, you know, study the triphasic model, but please, please, please, please, please study the neuroscience, the neurobiology of what's taking place with your client because it's not enough. It is not enough to sit there and just have them talk. It's not enough. They've got to understand what's happening in their brain and their body, and you need to know how you can enhance those sorts of things, what kind of mechanisms you need to have in play to increase dopamine, to increase serotonin, to increase oxytocin, all of those things that the brain is so depleted from because it's been in this constant fear and threat state. So these are the green flags. Um, they are not constant, like I've said with everything, but their presence really signals that your nervous system is really moving into this more flexible, really socially engaged state. I'm not saying you're socially engaged all the time, but you're moving into that, and that's that's where integration is actually occurring. None of what we've discussed through this series is about erasing trauma. We cannot erase trauma. What we do is we focus on reconnection and integration of that story. It's no longer the only story you tell. One of the more sad things that I hear in this industry, and I get so stinking angry. Um, recently this happened. I get so angry. I hear about someone going through trauma therapy, and they're like, well, I'm just recalling everything. I'm going through everything. I'm like, okay, well, what's your therapist actually practicing here? Well, they don't know. And if if anybody studies a theory or an application, like say it's CPT, cognitive processing therapy, great, that's an off-a-shoot of CBT, but what's the function? What are the tools that you're providing the client? Because everything in research, all the data says just talking about it doesn't do a damn thing. There's no such thing. No such thing, trauma therapists. If you just have your person vomit their trauma, there's no such thing as reconnection and reintegration if that's all they're doing. It doesn't work that way. Study the brain, study the body because you are hurting them. They're gonna hop from you and they're gonna go to another therapist because something's going to trigger these things. And listen, we have re-triggering events. But if you're not, you are not um arming your clients with tools, you are essentially wanting them broken. You, you know, it was interesting this last week. A client, new client of mine, I was talking to him, and I said, you know, I think we're ready to um step into some exposure therapy in EMDR. And I feel like, you know, I'm I'm recognizing that you and I are on the same page. Um and there's there's connection. He's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great. And I said, Okay, well, let me show you how I do it. I don't do the arm thingy because it hurts my shoulder, and I don't do the light bar because it's so freaking expensive. But here's my Therotapper. And he says, Oh yeah, I've done that. I'm like, okay. Tell me about that. Well, I think it worked. And so the the more I dug into the worked, the the clinician didn't do the work. The EMDR model, we'll talk about that another time. It is, you really should do the protocol. But this poor guy had been through two different therapists, had supposedly done great EMDR that worked, and had no idea what it included. And I was so angry. And I explained everything, I educated him and explained what the process was and how we'll go through it. And you know what he says to me? He says, This must be really hard for you because people actually graduate. It's the first client that recognized that when we practice with integrity and we practice within like the triphasic model and we have actionable tools, we are saying goodbye to butts and seats and an income. Period. We are. We're saying goodbye to it. And I said, you know what? You're absolutely right. I'm always broke. But it was it was a really wonderful thing for him to see because that's clinical integrity. Clinical integrity is not you sitting on a couch and you just espousing all the pain that you've had throughout your life without there actually being, this is where we're going, this is the steps we're taking, these are the tools, and this is how we're gonna know we're there. If there's none of that, then all you're doing is paying someone to be a very, very, very expensive emotional garbage can. That's what you're doing. And so, you know, these green flags, everything that I've mentioned, it's just a wonderful thing to see. The triphasic model, listen, it's not rigid. We've talked about that, it's not linear. Even in stage three, you're gonna hop back. You know, it's common and very wise to go back to safety or even remembrance when things come up in life. That's normal. But the flexibility is the strength, not the failure. So if you're a good clinician, you know I am giving this client these tools, even when they graduate. By the way, clinicians, we don't talk about graduation enough. Come on, stop it. It's so gross that you keep people indefinitely and you don't talk about this. You're building um automatons, you're not building uh people with autonomy, if you understand that reference. So, anyway, this is it. This is the triphasic model. This has been a fun series. Thank you for the um little hiccup today in today's um podcast. And thank you for joining along with this. It really means a lot to me. Though I've gotten a lot of emails about, wow, I didn't know about the triphasic model. Even some of my clients are like, this is really helpful. I didn't even know this was going on. Because it's not like I'm like, hey, we're going into level two. I don't do that. Well, in the workbook, I do. But listen, stage three, it is the most astounding and wonderful place to be because it's where hope becomes very tangible. And it's the stage in which survivors move from that I survived to I am building a life that feels worth living. It really is. And it can be a scary place, but they're gonna get through it. And I gosh. I just smile every time a client comes in, they're like, yeah, this is scary. I don't know what to think, but gosh, this feels a lot better than I've been living. So as we close this series, I do want to thank everybody for walking this path with me. It really meant a lot to me. I really wanted to talk to clinicians and clients alike and really arm you with some really good information. People that are listening, please don't read Judith Herman's book on the triphasic model. It is not appropriate for anybody that has active trauma. There are very explicit stories, including rapes and POWs, veteran you don't need to read the book. It's pretty intense. I had to sit it down a couple times. Clinicians, read it if you have the tools to be grounded. So it's an intense book, but I really do think a lot about her work. And this is what I'll say too on her work, and I'll close this up is that some people hate Judith Herman. They put her in there with Vanderkolk, The Body Keeps the Score. Y'all chew the meat, spit the bones out. Just there's too much of this black or white thinking in this field. Like you have to do this, you have to do that. Listen, I don't have to love who Judith Herman is and everything that she stands for. In fact, she and I really are opposed politically. Who cares? Her model is brilliant. She has a heart for human beings. Great. Chew the meat, spit out the bones. Stop being so ideally all I ideally all I can't say the word, you guys. I'm so tired. Stop being so captured by your ideologies. There it is. And just chew the meat, spit out the bones, because there's a lot of beauty to be had in this world and to learn from, even if it doesn't, if it's not like exactly you know what you want to do. So if you'd like to go deeper, I am going to be putting on, I just did it last week, a course, a free course. Why can't I let this go? So it's a free psychoeducational course. Um, and it's available untingledmind.net. We've already had one. We'll see if I do another one, but I'm going to put the recording up for those that joined. But I thought I might do another one, and y'all can pop on untingledmind.net and have um uh uh go at the psychoeducational course. It's um you're just gonna watch it, you're not gonna have counseling. This is just to give you more in-depth information. So, what would reconnection look for you uh right now? What would that look like? Even in small ways, I want you to consider that. What is one step you can take toward reconnection and integration that feels possible in the coming weeks? Sit with that, sit with that. I know it feels like it's so far away, you have gone through so much, but reconnection, it is right there. So um keep in mind there's resources if you're in need. The National Domestic Violence hotline is 1-800-799-7233. You can also call RAIN at 1-800-656-4673, or the Georgia Access Um Crisis Line is 1-800-715-4225. Thanks so much for listening to this trauma series. It's been a real blessing to be with you. Um, it's been super meaningful, and I hope it was too. And if you feel like that, please share it with others that may need to hear it. Take care. That brings us to the end of this episode. Thanks for joining me. I hope you learned some tools that can equip you to untangle your mind and untangle your life. If you're curious about working with me for your anxiety or trauma, head on over to my website at untangledmind.net to connect with me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate and review me on your podcast listening platform and share it with your friends and family. As always, thanks so much for listening to me, Piper Harris with the Untangled Mind Podcast. I'll talk with you next time.