Hello, and welcome to Poema Women's Success Coaching. I am Piper Harris, and welcome to our podcast. We're going to dig into everything that's going to grow your poema personally, professionally, mentally, and emotionally. So find a comfortable spot and let's learn how you can connect with your poema and put it into action. Hi there. So nice of you to join me today. I hope this finds you doing well and maintaining your mental health during this pandemic. So today I would love to talk to you actually about something that my son brought to my attention, and he and I have really been digging into it. So, you know, I make sure I'm taking the kids to school. We are doing face-to-face instruction here in Georgia. And what we do is we make sure that we have discussions before school. I pick him up after school and we discuss what's one great thing that happened today, what's way one way that you helped someone today, and what's something that just kind of stood out to you today. So as my youngest son got into the car, we were just kind of discussing these three questions. And it's a great way for them to decompress from their day for me to kind of feel them out and see how their day was. And my youngest said to me kind of quickly, he's like, Oh, my uh social battery is just really low. And I said, Well, say that again, bud. What do you mean your social battery? And so, and even my oldest son is like, Did you just make that up? But it was, it was so insightful. So he and I started discussing what his social battery was. And what he was saying is, you know, mom, I I school is tough. I'm really working hard, but I'm finding myself tired about you know being around so many people. My my social battery is really low. And so we really discussed those feelings that he was having with his social battery and and what does that mean for him? And really, I asked him to kind of dig into those feelings, what were they associated with? And it got me thinking, it got me thinking about all of us. And boy, during this pandemic, uh a million Zoom conferences, trying to balance teaching the kids at home if we're at home with them, trying to balance getting our work done. I mean, just everything you can think of when it comes then to you know more social interaction, how is your battery? Where is your social battery? Are you desperate for more social interaction or are you completely depleted with everything that's going on right now? So I just loved that my son brought this up about the social battery. And honestly, when I thought about that myself, it's because I have felt overwhelmed and exhausted, especially because I'm working on staying so positive during this time. I'm trying to take this time during the pandemic to be reflective and take this as an opportunity to transform myself in those areas that maybe I neglected because I was so busy with the hustle and bustle of being outside the home and all that that entailed. So, like many of you, none of us planned, none of us planned for this pandemic. And we've all felt this real threat in our lives. We're again exhausted, overwhelmed. We might be dealing with feelings of anxiety and depression, we might be dealing with loneliness. All of those things can contribute to this feeling of social isolation or even wanting to further isolate yourself. And what's really interesting when you dig into this, when you dig into this kind of social battery, and when we feel these feelings of, I call it when I'm talking to my clients, I call it hermiting up, where you kind of crawl into your cocoon, into your cave, and and you decide I'm just I'm just gonna hibernate. I just, I don't want to go anywhere. Well, what's really fascinating about this response is it's actually been linked to an autonomic response in our system. Our nervous system has a response, and it's actually linked to something called the polyvagal theory. And really what this is, is that is again that autonomic response, our nervous system's response, it's connected to the vagal nerve. And so there's three different kinds of responses that can happen when this autonomic system clicks in, you know, automatically. So the first thing is the freeze. This is the system in our body where we absolutely freeze. So this can happen when there's any sort of threat. So this might be the freezing, you know, you can see animals play dead. That's that odd autonomic response. And so, really, what this is, is a protective effect. So you might feel that freezing while you're in the midst of this pandemic and feeling your battery is depleted, or you're freezing, where you just can't seem to unstick your thinking. You just can't seem to get out of bed, change your clothes, take a shower. This really, when you're in the midst of this, I know it's very difficult not to um beat yourself up and say, what is wrong with me? Why can't I change this? And I think it's so helpful for me at least to know, hey, there's an actual physiological effect taking place right now. Yes, emotionally, excuse me, and mentally, I'm struggling, but I'm also up against this autonomic response. And and that is why it is so difficult. So it is appealing to sit in this kind of frozen response, this freeze response, because again, it really it's your your body, your brain saying, hold on a second, there's a threat. And so if I freeze, if I play dead, maybe it'll go away. The second, the second response, which I'm sure you are very familiar with, is the fight or flight response. So this is where our body perceives that threat and it's going to decide what response it's going to have. And so the fight, the fight response, you might be seeing that um with something like arguing more. Maybe you're go you're going on social media and you're finding that you are just angry and you just can't seem to stop that fight response. That that's going to be one of those autonomic responses. The other one is flight. The other one is flight. So this is different in the sense of the freezing. The flight is that you are avoiding situations, you are running away from situations that are creating a deeper, more traumatic threat that you're feeling. It it makes you flee from the situation. You're not freezing in it, but you're fleeing from the situation. Now you can see that again with maybe too much binging on TV. Maybe you've lost your desire to do those things that um initially gave you joy. So the fight or flight system um mobilizes as well when we start feeling this threat. And finally, finally, um, what happens when we're in this pandemic or whatever threats that you're feeling, our brain, our brain and this this polyvagal response is automatic. So remember that this is automatic. So that should give you a little bit of a breath of okay, I you know, I'm up against something else that's going on with my brain and my body. But the third one is the social engagement system. And so this is really what happens when you this system tells you, okay, this is a safe relationship, I can connect with this person, and it helps your overall well-being, your overall well-being. The problem is, and like my son, so said it so well, um, his social battery was low. And the the important thing to understand with these autonomic responses is that even though you want to freeze or you want to fight or you want to flee, you can overcome this by engaging that social engagement system. So even though that social battery is low, the greatest thing you can do is to engage those relationships in your life and try to foster more positive feelings of safety and connection. It really is your super human tool that you have in your toolbox to help you overcome what's going on with this pandemic. So, really, right now, really right now, my kiddo, he's struggling with his social battery and it just being depleted. And we talked about some ways that he could engage more because what happened, what we were talking about as we were kind of digesting what he was going through, my eldest son kind of started talking about it was he was disengaging so much, his flight, his autonomic flight was taking effect that then he was finding he was even more depressed and he wasn't doing the things that he wanted to do. And so we discussed, hey, how can we recharge your battery? Yes, it's really difficult during school because it's loud and there's kids everywhere, but what are some things that we can do after school to recharge your battery that doesn't include a device? That's the biggest thing. And and how can we foster some connection? What can we do? Is it maybe picking up a phone and talking to a friend you hadn't seen at school, or maybe they're doing digital learning and you haven't seen them? Maybe it's calling one of your buddies from church group and seeing if we can, you know, get together with them, whatever it is. He and I kind of started talking about, hey, what are some things we can do to recharge your battery? Then we really talked about his feelings, what his body was feeling when he was feeling this social battery that was being depleted, because he was absolutely going through this polyvagal theory. I mean, he was cycling through it. He just he was he was pulling away certain things. He said, Mom, you know, it doesn't feel great, and I've got to figure something out. And boy, it was so insightful. My kiddo's gonna be 12 coming up, and so it was just so insightful that my 12-year-old said, My social battery is low, mom, there's something else going on. And it created such an amazing conversation with he and my eldest son, who's 13, to discuss these threats that we're feeling based on the world that we're in. These kids are at school and they're balancing their schoolwork, but they're also balancing this odd middle school age and their hormones, and then hearing all these kids talking about the virus and politics. I mean, it's it's a lot for these kids to manage in this underdeveloped brain. And so it was such an amazing conversation. And here is the amazing thing that happened from that conversation. Our conversation fostered that social engagement system for my younger son. And wouldn't you know? All of a sudden he said, Mom, my social battery is feeling better. Well, why is that? He's like, I just feel better. We got to talk about it. I don't feel like I'm going crazy with these feelings that I have. I know what I'm gonna do. I just feel a lot more positive. So, through that conversation, allowing my kids to have this conversation and share those feelings safely with me, allowing me to share with them, hey, your brain and your body are actually doing these things automatically. And in talking with them about, hey, let's come up with some ideas on how we can work through this. And by doing that, it engaged that social engagement system and he gave it gave him that positive feeling that he was really needing and it increased that social battery. So as you're in the middle of this pandemic and you're faced with so much, no, number one, you're not alone. We are all struggling. I had a friend the other day say, Well, how are you doing? I said, Some days good, some days I'm just getting through. I know that you're more than likely feeling overwhelmed and exhausted with life, with everything that you're balancing. So when you're feeling that threat, when you're feeling that threat and you notice yourself going into the freeze where you're just absolutely freezing, you're doing nothing, or you're doing the fight or flight. Remember, for you to combat these feelings, you need to socially engage. And that's going to foster those feelings of positivity, of feeling safe, and it's going to create connection with other humans that are feeling the exact same way as you. I know it's probably the last thing you want to do to put that effort into that social connection, but it truly is your weapon, your tool of choice to fight against, losing, completely, completely depleting your social battery and getting stuck in that fight or flight or that freeze, that freeze response that our body automatically engages, our body and brain. So, something to think about today. What are you going to do when you're feeling these things? And you know what? Engage your kiddos. They need to have these conversations with us and let them know it's okay to talk about this. September is so uh suicide awareness month. And boy, I tell you, the numbers are absolutely just devastating right now, especially in the pandemic, because we've got kids, we've got adults that were already isolated and we've thrust them into even deeper isolation. And thank God we have, you know, telehealth where a lot of individuals can go and seek counseling care. I can't wait until I become a licensed professional counselor. It's a ways off, but I can't wait. Um, but there are there are things that you can do to protect yourself, to protect your family. Uh, don't sit there alone. Don't sit there alone. Um, suicide is on the rise right now. Listen to podcasts, feed your heart and your mind, and ask for help. Ask for help if the isolation is just too immense. I don't want you to go through this alone and you're not alone. So thank you again for joining us today. I am Piper Harris. I hope that you have an extraordinary day. And remember that social battery, don't let it be completely depleted. Think about social engagement to foster those positive feelings and recharge your batteries.

Thanks so much for joining us today on the Poema Women's Success Coaching podcast. This is Piper Harris. I just wanted to say thank you so much. And if you're enjoying this podcast and staying in touch with us on everything about your poema, your God-given purpose and how you'll put it into action, make sure you share this podcast with your friends, your family, and on your social media. It would mean the world to me. Thanks again. And remember, you have a God given poema, and you can put it into action. Thanks so much.