Hello, and welcome to Poema Women's Success Coaching. I am Piper Harris and welcome to our podcast. We're going to dig into everything that's going to grow your poema personally, professionally, mentally, and emotionally. So find a comfortable spot and let's learn how you can connect with your poema and put it into action. Hello everyone. I hope this finds you doing well. This is a beautiful Monday morning here in Atlanta, and winter has decided to come soon. Although many of my friends that are on the West Coast would uh laugh at me, but uh 45, 50 degrees feels about like winter to me, whereas they already had snow. So I hope you're doing great today. So I want to ask you today are you burned out on figuring it out? The reason why I'm bringing up burnout right now is I'm especially hearing this from the women in coaching with me, as well as speaking with friends and family members in the midst of this pandemic and having this new way of life, you know, having to manage the children and our jobs all at the same time, or maybe managing isolation and this pandemic. I mean, there's just so much swirling around that so many people are using this word burnout. And they're just, they're overwhelmed, they're burned out, they just don't know what to do. And so, what I was thinking about as I was listening to people, and as I work with my clients, they come to me and they say, I'm burned out, I need to figure this out. And I say to them, Are you burned out in the actual job you're doing? Or are you burned out in figuring it out? And I believe that's really what the question is. So, burnout, what burnout is, is it has been defined as it's a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion, and it's caused by excessive or prolonged stress. So it can make you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet demands. So sometimes it might look like excessive drinking, excessive sleeping, um, you know, putting off tasks, not spending time with people that you enjoy. They've also found that if burnout is prolonged, it can lead um, excuse me, to uh decreased mental health, obviously, uh, even um metabolic problems, uh, cardiovascular issues, self-harm. So burnout's not something that we should joke around with. Now, I think burnout has been used a lot more widely than how I see burnout. Burnout is truly, is truly, I believe, an emotional, mental, psychological stress, exhaustion. Whereas I hear a lot of um people say, Oh, I'm just burned out. I think there's a difference between burnout and stress. All of our lives are stressful, but I think it's when we that line of crossing over the stress turns into burnout. And so today I really wanted to talk to you about are you burned out on figuring it out? So, as you know, here with Poema Women's Success Coaching, I work with women in discovering her poema. And the poema is that God-given gift, that God-given purpose, that why. Poema in Greek means masterpiece. That's from Ephesians 2.10. So pull out a Bible. If you don't have one, you can Google it online. Um, but I work with women in discovering this, their their why, their purpose, whatever you want to call it. And a lot of times I have them coming to me saying, I don't want to work on that. Fix this problem over here, Piper. I just need a new job, or fix my husband, or fix my kid. And and really what we end up, I end up kind of walking them through is that you really need to um figure out what's getting you and that's burning you out. And by by figuring it out, by defining it, it helps you take control of the things that you control. Um, rather than you can't control what your husband's doing. You you can't control, you know, that he's not taking his heart medicine. You can't control that um, you know, your kid, I don't know, doesn't clean up his room. I mean, we can control some of the things our kids do. Um, you can't control the culture at your your workplace. There's certain things that are out of our control. We can try to change things, but sometimes they're out of our control. So, really, what I talk to my clients about, and I mean, I'm telling you, I've had so many coming in to coaching since the pandemic, is that they come to me and say, I am burned out and I need you to fix it. And I say, Well, we're gonna work on your purpose and your why and your poem, and then we're go to that. And they just kind of get so upset with me. And those that do trust me, I'm about 99% trust me. There's well, maybe I'll say 95%, but there are some that say, no, that's not what I want, which is fine. Totally get it. But those that trust me, we really do we go through a process of understanding is are you burned out because you haven't figured it out? Because that really is at the core of so many of our dysfunctions in the workplace, in our marriages, with our children, with familial relationships, is that, you know, like my husband always says to me, the common denominator is you, you know, he always says that when we're coming up against issues within our marriage or with the kids or talking about other people, the common denominator is this one person. And we all have to be um willing, willing to see that we are the common denominator and that we've got to figure out what is lacking. It's not not lacking that your boss sucks. I mean, yeah, it probably does, but what can you do to help you move through this? Um, you know, so there's a lot of those questions that come up when I'm coaching women. And so, really, with your burnout, I believe it's the crux of your burnout is figuring it out, is figuring it out. And that you really do need to discover that first thing. So we talked about what is burnout, it's that excessive exhaustion, mental, physical, emotional, I believe psychological, because of excessive stress. So I do believe it's different from the stress you're feeling and then into burnout. Um, you might have heard that a lot of first responders have a very high rate of burnout. Um, you know, so anybody in the first responders, counselors have a high rate of burnout, medical professionals have a high rate of burnout, teachers have a high rate of burnout. Um, so but how you can control it? How can you control this burnout? Is first I want you to say to yourself, what does my burnout look like? What does my burnout look like? What is it? And when I look at my burnout, where am I where do my frustrations lie? Where do those lie? So, for example, I had a client, she was a teacher, and she came to me and she's just burnt out. She was ready to walk out. She'd already dedicated almost 20 years of her life to teaching. She said, I'm just done. And so we really talked through where was this burnout, where where was the actual problem? So she started off with everything that was wrong with the school system. Um, she was in a poor school, there wasn't a lot of money to help her with these students' needs. Um, she was working in excess of 70 hours a week. The principal wasn't real helpful. I mean, she named off all of these things that were absolutely exhausting to her and burning her out. And so we discussed, well, how can you control those situations? What can you do? Well, the only thing that she really could control was working those excessive hours. And so we had to kind of come up with some ideas of how she would maintain some boundaries within her teaching experience. But the other one, she realized I have zero control over this. And she said to me, But Piper, it doesn't matter. How do I fix the burnout? And she was just really grappling with do I quit this career that I've had a passion for and a love for? Um, because she said to me, I'm feeling worse with this conversation, Piper. She goes, I feel worse because you're telling me I can't fix anything with a school system, with this, you know, principal that I can try. She's like, but you're telling me, you know, I can only control me. I'm like, you're absolutely right. So what we did then is that we really started focusing on what she could control. And the first thing she had to control is discovering that poema. She said, you know, before this was my passion, this was my passion. So we really dug into her poema, her why, her masterpiece, the thing that was given to her by God and why she believed she was supposed to be a teacher and why this burnout hurt so badly, because she felt something deeply in her. So what we did is we started to really hyper-define what her poema was. Here's the reason why. Here's the reason why. When we are feeling so depleted and drained, you know, like we have nothing else to give, we can fall into depression, sleeplessness, you know, we get sick, we turn to things that we shouldn't turn to, like alcohol or too much Facebook, whatever it is. So when we start feeling so depleted, we stop seeing, we stop seeing that poema, that foundation. And I've talked to you about this before. Your poema, your poema is the roots to a mighty tree. In fact, um, I'm going through a uh uh trauma-specific training right now with a woman here in Atlanta, Dr. Melinda Page, and she's allowed me to do this um training, and it's fascinating. What I love about what she said, what I love about what she says is anyone that comes to us when I'm a counselor or even as a coach, and I know my clients can attest to this, is that I see you as this oak tree. I see you as this oak tree with a very firmly built root system. Maybe those roots are a little loose right now because you don't know what those roots are rooted in, but you're mighty and strong. And we're going to build your oak tree so that it's unwavering. And so it's all about building that resilience and that strength and that courage with the understanding and the hyper definition of what your poema is. And I loved Dr. uh Page kept saying in this training, um, mighty oaks, they have uh strong roots and mighty or strong roots and strong limbs. Oh, it was just beautiful. And if some of you don't know, um, I have a giant oak tree tattoo on my leg um because it is one of the actual this is a symbol of my own life and how I see others as well. So that's what I do with clients is that we've got to hyper-define your poema because that is your root. That is your root, that is your foundation. So even though the storms of life are going to be battering and pushing you all around, you are firmly rooted. So when you start feeling that burnout, and how can I do this and how can I manage this? What we do is we work on the visualization, we work on the remembering of this is my purpose, this is what I am called to. So you may think in the moment that you're going to quit, quit, excuse me, and that you just are gonna give up, just like this teacher I was speaking to. But really, when we got to the root of it, the problem came from she really didn't have a sense, a total sense of meaning in her life. She kind of thought it was about teaching, but why? What is it about teaching? And we just dug deeper and deeper and deeper so deeply into her why, her masterpiece, her poema, why she wanted to be a teacher, that she was so energized by it. And she said, you know what, I might not be able to actualize massive change within my school district, but I can help these kids and I can do it this way. And and I can do it and take care of myself. And I think that was the biggest thing, too, that really took place in our time together that your poema, your why is this very deeply rooted thing. So when you know you are getting right to that edge of burnout, you can say no more. I need to take some breaks. I need to take care of myself. And that's what's wonderful about determining your poema is when people don't have that strong foundation, they're just saying yes to everything. Okay, I'll do this, okay, I'll do that, okay, I'll do this. And they are absolutely exhausted because they don't know how to say no. When you have a poema, you know which things to say yes to and which things you just say, I just can't. This does not align directly with what I need to be doing. And there's no guilt with saying no. And so that is really what I believe a lot of burnout is linked to that, you know, there's other reasons for burnout, you know, it can be organizational, it could be relational, there's other reasons that are messy, right? Messy in our lives. But if you can figure out, if you can figure out your poema and hyper-define that root system, it's something that you can hold on to. And it's it's really truly a lifeline. Now listen, burnout is really directly linked to this lack of efficacy, making a difference. And that's why with every single client that comes to me, I don't care what they came to me about, we are going to work on who are you, your self-efficacy. It's this making a difference because science, research shows us that when we feel like we're making a difference, that poema, that root system, everything else around us can batter us, but we're not moved. Does that make sense? So burnout has been linked to the lack of self-efficacy, this efficacy of making a difference. So, what you need in turning this around, instead of being burned out on trying to figure it out, you need to find some efficacy. And the way you can do that is through some small wins surrounding your meaning, your why, your making a difference to go um above what you think you're supposed to do. You know, like the gal, again, my example that was a teacher, I just want to teach. Well, let's go above that, let's go below that, let's go deeper with that. So you have to manage small wins. So, what does that look like? Well, it's different for everyone. It's different for everyone. But I do have a six-step process that I think will help you get moving in the right direction. Now, listen, this is not a cure-all. This is not a cure all. I have clients that are with me for years working through this, okay? I have some that have gone through this in 12 weeks. Everybody's different. But you have to practice this in the effort of determining your poema, your foundation system, because you're so tired of the burning out. You need something to hold on to. So you have to, you have to commit to this process. And it's not gonna happen overnight. It's gonna, you're gonna have to keep working through it. You're gonna make all these moves ahead, and then all of a sudden you're gonna fall back. But I guarantee you, as you build your efficacy, as you build your meaning in your life, as you build your poema, you are gonna feel less and less burnout. You're gonna feel the stress, you're gonna feel the exhaustion. You might get kind of over the line into burnout, but you know how to get back out of it. Okay. So there's a six-step process. There's a six-step process. So I want you to write this down. If you have a pen and a paper, that's great. Um, so think about this. It's not too hard, but there's a six-step process I want you to take. Okay. So um the first step, the first step is um, I I want you, I want you to do something, something that's creative, something that's going to help you really visualize how you see your meaning in life. Okay, how you see your meaning in life. I want this to be creative. I want you to allow your mind to go. So this can look like journaling, writing in your journal. You could um, I don't know, you could do pottery, you could sing, you could finger paint. I don't care, it doesn't matter. But what I want you to do is I want you to sit. I want you to sit with this feeling of I'm meant to do something, I don't know what it is, and let your brain, your heart, imagine what it is. And there's no judgment. Keep in mind the most important part of this first step is you cannot judge this. Many times I have my clients kind of do a free-flow journaling session, about 10. Well, we start at five minutes a day and we eventually move up to 10. But I tell them, you are not allowed to go back through and fix punctuation or grammar. You're not allowed to judge what your your brain is telling, your mind is allowing to flow, your heart is allowing to flow out. You are not allowed to judge it. Same goes with this. So as you're considering your burnout, as you're considering your burnout, take away pointing fingers at every other person, organization, whatever it is that they're the reason you're burned out. What can you control? Focus on what can you control? Okay. Now I want you to think about in this um an amazing world where you could really pursue something that makes your heart sing. What is that? What does it look like? What does the making a difference look like to you? And keep in mind, this is different for everyone. For everyone. You know, my older son, he loves art. He loves art and he loves making a difference in people's lives by drawing pictures for them. It's amazing. I can't do that, it's great. My youngest son, you know how he makes a difference? He tells jokes to his friends and he texts them funny little memes. That's how he makes a difference. And so when either of my kiddos, when either of my kiddos are feeling down and out, feeling overly stressed, when I see them on the edge of that emotional mental exhaustion, I try to bring this out in them. Hey, when was the last picture you drew for your friend? When was the last text, you know, funny meme? Let me see it. Engage that creative side of you, okay? And I know a lot of people say, Well, I'm not creative. And I understand that. I used to say the same thing, but I have a much better appreciation with how creativity can show with people. Um, I have a cousin who does amazing iron work. Um, that's his creativity. I used to be a chef, that was my creativity. People are creative in a vast number of ways. I mean, heck, I had one friend that did Iron Man's, that was her outlet, her creativity, pushing her body and experiencing that things that way. So again, I want you to sit down and I want you to do something creative surrounding what you believe your poem is, your meaning is, your what is that you feel um really driven toward. And listen, if you don't know, then I want you just to write things that you wish you wish you could do, or you see that you really like in someone else, but you may not be judgmental of yourself. You cannot be judgmental. As soon as you're done with that, set it aside. Set it aside. Then a couple days later, step number two, a couple days later, I want you to go back to what you originally wrote down, and I want you to tinker with it. I want you to play with it. I want you to do something different with it, redefine it, move a little bit forward with it, make it better, a little bit better. Just really think with it, just play with it, tinker with it, ask yourself, well, what is it about this specific thing that really might makes me excited? What about what I wrote down is um something that I could I could do in the next year, the next day. How can I uh more deeply define these things and break these down? So the second step is you've got to break it down and rethink it. Rethink it. Okay. So then walk away. Walk away from it. Now, listen, that's gonna be the biggest thing for you. And a lot of times that I see this with clients is like, no Piper, I'm on a roll. I want to get this done right now. I want it fixed now, I want to figure it out now because I am tired of burn being burned out and I want things fixed. That's not how it works, sister. It's just not how it works. So you have to be willing to walk away from this every single time. Now, I've had clients say to me, Well, how long should I spend on this? They want me to give them a definitive timeline. I'm not giving that to you. But what I always say in my clients, the time you put in is the time what you get out of it. So if you're only going to spend 30 seconds on this, that's on you. I don't know how much you're gonna get out of 30 seconds of work. But um, conversely, you know, I don't want you sitting there for six hours. I had one client that would do this and she would work herself in a frenzy. And she came to me, she's like, Piper, I just I can't get through this exercise. And the more we talked about it, I'm like, oh my gosh, you're spending like three hours every session. And shame on me, shame on me. I I should have said to her, do not spend three hours on this because it really felt, it really fed that burnout that she was already feeling. So recognize when you're in, when you're doing this exercise, that when you start feeling frenzied and you go over it over and over and over again, you're judging it, you're wondering, you need to walk away. You need to walk away. I don't know what the time limit is, but you've got to know, you know, those guidelines for yourself. Okay, so step number three. Step number three, and this is gonna drive you crazy. You're gonna repeat what you did for step number two. That's exactly what you're gonna do. So go back to step number two, how you you went over things again and you kind of tinkered with the step one. Now I want you to tinker with step two. Keep your focus and keep driving deeper, deeper into that poema, into that meaning, into that what. Keep diving deeper. Ask yourself lots of what questions. What would this look like if I didn't have the constraints right now? What would this look like if I had the support? What would this look like if I took a chance? What would this look like if this actualized in my life? So I want you to repeat, repeat step number three. Okay. That's what you have to do. Repeat it. Or excuse me, step number two. Now I'm losing count. Step number four. And again, it's gonna drive you crazy. Come back to it a couple days later. Step number four, you are going to repeat what you did on day three. Okay. So you're gonna approve on day three. So you are going through this process. You have your original thought on step one, right? Then you really tinker with it on step two, you tinker with it again on step three, you tinker with it again, again on step four. You're you're looking at this as a constant momentum. You need that momentum moving forward. You need that moving forward, okay? Now, you're gonna walk from away from it because I, you know, I some people say, Well, should I do this every single day of the week? It really depends on how I see each individual client I'm working with. If you're in a good place and you feel um not so emotionally exhausted from the burnout, I think you could do this in six days. If you are in the midst of heart and exhaustion and um hopelessness and haplessness, this is not a six-day thing. This is a progression. Like the one woman I told you that spent like three hours the first step. This took her six sessions over about 12, 14 weeks. Okay. Okay, so everybody is different. And remember, no judgment, there's no right or wrong wrong way or doing of doing this. And there's no fit, this is not like a you're winning something. Okay, you're not winning something. This is to help you do something. Okay. So the fifth step is you look at everything you've written down. You've really kind of narrowed it down. And now, guess what I want you to do? I want you to decide it's good enough. I want you to decide that I like this definition. I like how it looks. I want you to tell yourself, yeah, you know, it's not perfect, it's not ideal, but that's okay because it's better than the first step that I did this. And now I want you to embrace your poema, your definition. And it's okay. You can go back to this at a later time, but step five is really accepting what you have done, what you've created, what you finished. Because here's the thing with burnout: what happens when we're burned out? We start not being able to accomplish the things that we want to accomplish. Small things like folding the laundry and scrubbing the toilets are absolutely depleting. Things like calling our parents when we haven't talked to them in months, we just can't imagine. We can't find the emotional gumption to pick up the phone. So the part of this process is breaking free of that debilitating effect of uh burnout and exhaustion and finishing something and saying, this is good. This is good. It doesn't have to be perfect, it doesn't have to be the best thing there, but you finished it. Okay, you finished it. So with step five, once you gain that acceptance, you're like, okay, this pipe, this is kind of weird, you know, this is just this weird definition, defining thing I have that's my poem. I I gosh, I really don't understand how I, you know, put this into my life. Well, step five, option B, or second uh thing that you need to do, be five B is you need to share this with someone, someone that you trust. Okay. So if you don't have a coach or counselor like myself, find a close friend, uh, maybe somebody at the office that's you know understands you. And I want you to share it with them and say, this is what I think is gonna be my driver to help me keep focused and not fall into this exhaustion and excessive stress. How do you see I can I can apply this if you're excuse me, if you're you're struggling with it? And then step six. Step six go back to it, give yourself a week, really ruminate on this, you know, because it's a positive thing to think about. What did it feel like to finish something? What does it feel like to know that this poema is your foundation, that this can pull you out? So part of your poem, essay is for my teacher friend that I worked with, you know, part of hers was I have to make a difference in low-income kids, specifically in fatherless homes. I mean, she drilled it down. And so what she focused on was she created a program for after school. It was for boys and girls. And, you know, she she identified some of the kids that were in fatherless homes. She had a very deep reason for this. Listen. And so she really focused on and listen, she added more work to her plate. But guess what? It fed her, it took away the burnout. And I'm not saying do more weight, do more work to get rid of the burnout, but guess what fed her? Her poema, her, her purpose, her why, her what. So by using her poema, she could fight through the excessive drain. She could fight through. So finishing these steps one through six doesn't mean you're winning. It means that you are completing actions that are under your control. It helps, it helps you focus on what you can control. It gives you the creativity to rest. And there's a lot to be said about creativity and self-care. And it gives you this purpose to trust in this poema that has been God given to you. Wow. Can you guys tell I'm fired up today? So listen, are you burned out because you're trying to figure it out? I would, I would bet yes. I would bet yes. So if you need to go back through and listen to this podcast and take some notes, I urge you, I urge you that you have got to create efficacy. And by creating efficacy, you have to learn what your poem is and you need to find those wins. Go through the six-step process and then go through it again. Do it every quarter. But this is a process of determining your what, your why, why you were put on this earth. You were put on this earth for good to heal and help others, and it looks different for everyone. If you love to make cupcakes, you are making a lot of people happy. If you love to care for the elderly, you are caring, you are a wonderful human being. If you just find it fascinating to dig into computers, heck yes, you're making a difference. But you need to pull this out. What is your why? What is your purpose? And define it deeply so that you are that mighty oak with those roots that are so deeply planted that even though the stressors of life may sway and push you around, they will not push you over. You will not fall into burnout. So think about it. Are you burned out because you haven't figured it out? I'm willing to bet that's the case. Thanks so much for joining me today. I'll talk to you next time. Thanks again for joining me today. It really does mean the world to me. So remember, you can put your poem of purpose into action. And if you enjoyed today's episode, please make sure to share it on your social media with your friends, with your family. I want nothing more than to help you transform your life and put that poem of purpose into action. And, you know, how does that look for you? Well, this is a way for you to discover it through this podcast. You can work with me through coaching. But again, thank you so much for your support. If you have more questions about coaching who I am, head on over to piperharris.net. You can sign up for a monthly newsletter or we can just chat. I would love to get to know you. So thanks again, and we will discuss more on how you can put your poem and purpose into action in future episodes.