Hello, and welcome to Poima Women's Success Coaching, a podcast where I share how you can embrace your purpose. I dive into topics surrounding positive psychology, shifting your mindset and behaviors that are holding you hostage in life, and share how you can discover your Poima purpose and put it into action. My name is Piper Harris, and I use my 20 years of experience as a mental health counselor, coach, business owner, mother, and wife to dig into deep and complex issues that you're facing and empower you to overcome and harness the courage to chase after your best life. Thanks for joining us today. Don't have a lot of excuses other than holidays. Wow, even in the midst of the pandemic, I swear it doesn't matter. You still get that uh the frenzy, don't you, around the holidays? And so I apologize. It's been about a month. I hope that this is finding you healthy and well. So today I want to jump into something. Uh uh you saw the title. This is called Tough Filter. So, you know, last night, last night I was in this optional class for my graduate degree. And it's this optional class that you can go to. And I joined in because I thought, you know, this is going to be really important for me to connect with other classmates and learn from the professor that actually wrote the curriculum for one of the classes I'm taking. So last night, as I'm in this um optional class, there's a gal that I've really connected with. I really, she's so much fun. And she and I were texting back and forth as we listened to just this rapid-fire questions that were being asked of the professor. And you know, I'm sorry, this is what happens when you work from home, doesn't it? The dogs are playing. So anyway, I was texting back and forth with her and I was commenting on uh requiring the toothpicks to hold up my eyelids because I had been up since 3:30 yesterday morning, and I was just so tired. And she was, however, expressing to me feeling, you know, really overwhelmed with all the information that she was hearing on this during this optional class. So I was trying to be supportive of her and I said, listen, you've got to filter out what you don't need. Only listen to what you're needing answers on. And after I said that to her, I logged out actually rather quickly because I realized that although I was feeling absolutely exhausted because of lack of sleep, the information coming in and coming at me in this class wasn't serving me. It was actually only heightening my anxiety. And it's interesting, isn't it? Filtering things out, like I told her, it's not as easy as logging out of some optional class, is it though? So recognizing where we need to filter out that which is not building us up is tough. You know, clients express to me the overwhelm that they're all feeling, you know, balancing work life, home life, social life, and then the emotions and the feelings that are deep. You know, they're not able to tap into those and learn what those feelings and emotions are telling them. And they need to learn what they need to filter and create and change and transform. And it's really truly because of everything else that's swirling around them. Much like my fellow classmate, she she knows what she's doing. She she loves the practice of being a counselor. But being in this class and hearing this rapid-fire questions from all of our other classmates had her overwhelmed. And she just felt like she couldn't filter. She felt like, oh my gosh, I can't do this. I can't tap into what I need. So recently I had a client. Um, she was sharing some relationships, uh excuse me, some frustrations that she was having with a relationship in her life. And she was sharing that she really struggled, she was really struggling with this voice in her heart that was saying that she required to filter out this relationship and really focus on what was ahead of her. But then she had this other voice, right? And it was much louder, telling her that she had to fix it, she had to save it, and she had to rescue it. And the crazy thing is, is she was hearing this louder voice, knowing if she did that, if she fixed it, saved it, rescued it, it would mean that she would suffer. So she only heard that very loud voice, fix this, save this, rescue this, rather, rather than listening to that small, indiscernible, almost voice saying, Hey, it's time to filter out this relationship. And I understand, I really do. I understand. In recent months, I've had to do the ugly job of filtering, and it's tough. Such a weird word, isn't it? It's even not the right word, tough. But but imagine this. Think about the word tough. Imagine the kind of tough that is alligator skin. Go with me, okay? Alligators have thick skin to protect themselves, don't they? They're some of the most resilient animals on the place because of their thick armored skin. But what's fascinating about them, and as I thought about this today and their toughness, I did some quick research, is that scientists have found that they have these special receptors all over their bodies, you know, sprinkled within their tough armor that helps them perceive the slightest touch or a ripple in the water? And these little receptors ensure that they can find their prey, eat it, and survive. So, so again, go with me. What if these alligators ignored these slight intuitions? What if they were so consumed with everything else that was taking place around them that they didn't tune into those very small, almost indiscernible vibrations? I mean, think about that. They'd starve and die. So, although there might be going on a lot around you, there might be a lot going on around you, it is absolutely essential that we do the tough work of filtering through our perspective perceptions, no matter how small and no matter how quiet that voice is. Because if we don't, we risk the loss of ourselves. And as I said, I've been faced with this. It's been a painful journey, it's something that I have been grappling with for over a year, and I just finally listened to that indisterminable voice. I wonder if that friendship, having walked away from it, if one day they'll understand, if one day they'll understand I couldn't fix it, I couldn't rescue it, that if one day they, I don't know, understand that we all have to make difficult choices because it means protecting ourselves, it means moving forward in our lives. So do you ignore the tough work of filtering through that indiscernible voice? I mean, it's hard to hear, isn't it? To make a change and walk away from a friendship or relationship or just log out of a class that's heightening your anxiety, or do you stay allowing those deepest intuitions to just die away? What would the result be? I had to ask myself the same question. If I choose to stay, if I choose to fix it, if I choose to tell myself that I'm here to save it and rescue it, what what's gonna happen? What would the result be? And in my own personal life, the result would be walking away from the deepest purpose I have been given in my life. You know, and these are some of the questions that I asked my client the other night as well. So let me ask you are you faced with something where you feel that niggling of, gosh, I think I'm supposed to make this really tough decision? I have, I don't want to do the tough work of filtering. Or are you just focusing on the busyness swirling around you rather than keying in and cluing into those slight perceptions? So consider this first. Have you ever made a seemingly small, innocuous decision to maintain a relationship, to maintain your status quo, only to later realize that the impact it had on you later was negative? Had I stayed in class last night, I know without a doubt, with a combination of my utter exhaustion, requiring toothpicks to hold up my eyeballs, but also that that combination of so much information coming in, I had I would have lost the ability to rest, to find sleep last night. And I wouldn't been able to lessen my anxiety and to focus on what was ahead. So I logged out. Yeah, that sounds a little easy, right? Okay, so consider this next question by choosing to ignore the tough task of filtering through your busy life and digging into those deep emotions and intuitions by choosing to ignore those, is that helpful to you? Yes or no? I you know, these are hard questions. And in asking my client this the other day, asking myself these questions, they're not fun to grapple with. So what about it? Is it absolutely necessary that you ignore those things? Honestly, is it absolutely necessary that you ignore those things? How helpful is that for you? I mean, I get it, it's painful. You're stepping to the edge and willing yourself to feel those deepest things that are terrifying and they hurt, and God forbid you hurt someone else. You don't want to do that. I understand, but finally ask yourself this, and this is what I asked myself. But what do you want? Like, really, really want what is it? Are you willing to get uncomfortable and step into the tough actions of filtering your life to get what you want? Listen, if you're not up to it, be honest with yourself, and that's okay, but also be honest with what you're giving up, with what you're walking away from. I know it's terrifying. I know that most times we ignore those deep perceptions and emotions and feelings because we just don't want to step into it, because we recognize the choices that we have to make will hurt, and they might actually hurt others as well. We've adopted these ways to protect ourselves, haven't we? We've created this tough skin. But we also have to recognize that we've also been given these deep intuitions and perceptions that are helping us to identify the slightest tremble toward what we need. We can choose to filter out what is no longer serving our purpose or where we want to go, or we can choose to ignore those things and starve. Listen, is this melodramatic? Maybe, but I truly believe that if we don't learn to choose what is best within our life's purpose, what we're called to, we will miss out on far more than if we try to stick around and fix it and save it and rescue it. When it should have been us all along. It hurts, it's not fun, but we all have to do the tough filtering. So maybe you just have to walk away from a situation that is giving you periodic anxiety, like my class last night. Or maybe you're faced with something and you just don't want to do it because you don't want to hurt someone. But deep down you recognize that this isn't putting me on the path that I need to be on. I wonder if the person that I had to filter out will listen to this someday. I wonder if they'll understand. I wonder if someday they too will have to go through a tough filtering process and look back and say, okay, I get it. I hope so. I do. Because it's really not about the people and the things that we're cutting out that they're wrong or they're bad or anything like that, but we have to learn to care for ourselves, to hear those deep trembles, those slight perceptions to do the growth and the transformation and to create the life that we're meant to live. So is it time for you to do some tough filtering? What are those areas in your life that you've been ignoring? Ask yourself those questions. If have you ever made a small innocuous decision to maintain something only to later realize the impact it had on you later, and it was a negative one? By choosing to ignore the tough task of filtering through your busy life and digging deep into those emotions, intuitions, is that even helpful to you? And finally, what do you want? Like, really, really want. Are you willing to get uncomfortable and to step into tough actions of filtering in your life to get what you want? And if you're not, be honest with yourself. It's okay, but also be honest with what you're giving up, what you're walking away from. No one else can make these decisions but you. We can choose to filter out what is no longer serving us, what's stealing away from us. Or we can choose to ignore those things and starve. Thanks for joining me this week. I'll talk to you soon. Thanks again for joining me today. It really does mean the world to me. So remember, you can put your poem of purpose into action. And if you enjoyed today's episode, please make sure to share it on your social media with your friends, with your family. I want nothing more than to help you transform your life and put that poem of purpose into action. And, you know, how does that look for you? Well, this is a way for you to discover it through this podcast. You can work with me through coaching. But again, thank you so much for your support. If you have more questions about coaching who I am, head on over to piperharris.net. You can sign up for a monthly newsletter or we can just chat. I would love to get to know you. So thanks again. And we will discuss more on how you can put your poem and purpose into action in future episodes.