Hello, and welcome to Poema Women's Success Coaching, a podcast where I share how you can embrace your purpose. I dive into topics surrounding positive psychology, shifting your mindset and behaviors that are holding you hostage in life, and share how you can discover your Poema purpose and put it into action. My name is Piper Harris, and I use my 20 years of experience as a mental health counselor, coach, business owner, mother, and wife to dig into deep and complex issues that you're facing and empower you to overcome and harness the courage to chase after your best life. Thanks for joining us today. Boy, I tell you, I don't know if you're like me, but I am not real happy with that dang groundhog telling us that we have six more weeks of summer or of winter. I wish it was more summer. You know, even though I'm from the Pacific Northwest, I tell you, um, I don't like snow. I will forever embrace the sunny south. So you can read my title, ma'am. I can't touch your buns. So, oh, this was so funny. So, um, as I've shared, you know, I've been in the middle of my graduate studies and I love it. I absolutely love it. I am loving just learning everything and then having the blessing of, you know, immediately applying some of these techniques and theories with my clients, of course, with their permission. But it's just been a wonderful process. But of course, when it comes to, you know, managing my workload, my my my school workload, and then I have my regular workload with my clients, and then I run a household, it can get a little bit stressful, a little bit stressful. So my sons, they had closed school for a little bit because of the pandemic, and I was feeling like the most amount of stress ever. And with feeling stress and managing everything, I hadn't gone to the grocery store and there was literally nothing to eat in the house. And so, of course, my growing teenage sons were like, Mom, we gotta eat. So it's like, whatever, I'll push pause of what I'm doing and let's run down to Chick-fil-A. So we ran down the road to Chick-fil-A and I did their great little, you know, ordering thing online, and you wait in the little slot and they deliver it out to you. So I'm sitting there, and for some of you you might know, I um am not diagnosed celiac. However, I was told don't eat gluten 10 years ago because my mom's celiac, and so I've been gluten-free for 10 years. So I'm I'm definitely gluten intolerant and I don't want to be my mom and have a full-fledged disease. So, all that to be said, when I order from Chick-fil-A, I get my favorite Chick-fil-A sandwich, the grilled chicken, all that stuff, but I only get it with lots of lettuce, or I'll get their gluten-free bun, which is actually pretty awesome. Um, but anyway, that's what I usually order. And so I made our order and the kid came out with our bag full of stuff, and um, I was handing out everything to the boys, and I thought, crap, because I saw the container that had my sandwich in it, but it was like a normal sandwich container. So I was like, great, I bet you they put it on a normal bun. I can't eat this. So, and what I had put on my order was I wanted extra lettuce and and I wanted some bacon, you know. So I open up this container, and in the container is a regular bun, which I can't eat, it's gonna make me sick, and a bunch of lettuce and tomato. I'm at Chick-fil-A. Where's my chicken? So I'm looking at it and I'm like, I am so confused. Like, I'm sure I didn't order a regular bun with just uh lettuce and tomato and no chicken. So what I did is I got out of the car. I'm holding my bag. I told my boys, I said, Hey, go ahead and dig in. I need to get it something to eat because you know, I I can't eat just lettuce on a bun I can't have. And so I I jumped out of the car and I saw the kid and I waved him down and he was standing there and I said, Hey, I, you know, I know this was a total mistake. And but you know, there's just lettuce on a bun I can't eat with some tomato. He's like, What do you mean? I said, uh, there's no chicken. And he just kind of looked at me and I said, Yeah, kind of weird. We're at Chick-fil-A. And he just like, Oh my gosh, I'm sorry, ma'am. I'll go, I'll go get your order. I said, Okay. And so I'm I'm handing him the box that's holding everything. And he says to me, ma'am, I can't touch your buns. And I'm sitting there, I'm standing there looking at him, and I'm in my mind, I'm like, don't laugh at him, Piper. This poor boy, it's a busy lunch hour, don't laugh at him. But I could see the redness rise in his cheeks above his face covering. I mean, I could see this poor kid was like, Did I just tell this woman I can't touch her buns? So just thinking about it, the poor kid. So I said, not a problem. You know, I stifled my laughter and I got in the car, made sure this kid's out of, you know, earshot and you know, he can't see me. And I erupt in laughter, erupt in laughter. And I'm like, boys, I tell my boys, that kid. And they're like, Yeah, did you get your standards? I'm like, no, he can't touch my buns. And I'm snorting. So if you know me, when I find something particularly funny, I snort. Like, I can't get the air in. I'm snorting uncontrollably. So then the boys are like, mom, we don't get it. So they're giggling at me, giggling, because I'm snorting and I can't get air in. So then I share with them that the poor boy didn't mean to say it, but he said he couldn't touch my buns. Oh my gosh, it was the funniest thing ever. Ma'am, I cannot touch your buns. But the reason I'm telling you this story is number one, it's hilarious. And that poor kid is probably just devastated by saying those words to me. And by the way, he brought me back a wonderful sandwich and everything was fine. Um, but the reason I bring it up is it was exactly what I needed in that moment. I mean, I was beyond stressed out. I, you know, I had papers due, I hadn't gone grocery shopping, I had client sessions in the evening. I mean, I was just, I was really struggling. I was really struggling with how do I manage this? I, I, you know, I'm really feeling the pressure and the strain. I felt like I was on the brink of almost like a burnout, like hunkering down, crawling into bed, pulling the covers over my head. And this laughter, this humor was exactly what I needed. I mean, I it it broke me free of that feeling of I can't get my head above water, that feeling of, oh my gosh, this is just too much. It was just, it was exactly what I needed. And that poor kid, I know he was embarrassed. You know, I texted my husband and I said, Hey, honey, the kid told me he couldn't touch my buns. And my husband said, Well, you're right, he can't touch your buns, but your buns are fun to touch. It's just, I mean, we've kept this conversation going. And now, weeks later, like the boys will say, Mom, can't touch your buns if they see me getting too serious. So, you know, humor is one of those things that we can actually utilize when it comes to obviously breaking that stressful feeling, but it's a strength, it's something that we can harness to help us in very challenging situations, you know, and it's really a core component to resilience. It really is. And so, you know, there's a lot of different theories around um humor um and and kind of what they say about how humor has an effect in human psychology. And really the biggest thing is it's a pressure valve, right? It releases that pressure that we're feeling. And so there's a lot of different theories, again, that that circle around this. The the main theory that I especially you know believe in a humor theory is relief theory. And again, it's that pressure valve. It it releases that print that pent-up pressure. The second one is a theory that they came out with, and it's called superiority theory. And it really what it is, it's like a motivational mechanism. So it really comes from a place of um you laugh, and this is terrible. You have feelings of triumph over over other people and their misfortunes. So you use that and kind of laugh at it, and it's a way of making you feel superior. So, not the best way to use humor, right? And then there's the incongruity humor and/or theory, and that really is that it's the incongruity of things that makes things so funny. So it's it's it's a joke. We think it's going to be something what's going to be said with a joke, but it ends up being totally different and it's hilarious, you know. So, um, so there's a lot of different theories actually in human psychology about the use of humor. But again, I needed it so badly that day, and I felt rejuvenated by it. It broke that tension that I was feeling. It was, I mean, it allowed that pent-up um, you know, just angst that I was feeling. And I was able to go home, enjoy my sandwich, you know, giggle through it and get back to work with a renewed um, you know, energy. So it really is again using humor, a sense of humor is something that we can all utilize, even in the worst of our circumstances. Now, is it easy to do that? Absolutely not. But embracing humor and utilizing that in your life has actually been linked to resilience. That engaging in humor and in whatever exercise we can come up with, it elevates our moods. And the elevation of our moods allows us to focus on more positive thinking, positive actions. So, in a sense of humor, too, it really is, it's associated with life satisfaction, and that you're you you have parts of your life that you're very engaged in and pleased with. You know, um, my sister-in-law, um, she is going through cancer right now, and she has been going through um can't uh radiation and chemo. And I have to tell you, she posted the other day on Facebook and it just made me giggle. I mean, she's going through it. She is going through it. Her, my brother's family, all of them have really been going through it for about oh, seven years. They just had a lot of health issues with the girls and and and now with my sister-in-law. But she posted something the other day, and I thought that's what this is about. So she was posting about my niece who has been sick, um deathly sick, sick. And again, my my sister-in-law is coming off of chemo and radiation. And she said, you know, she was kind of reflecting on her daughter getting better. And she said, you know, thank God today all we're worrying about is a loose tooth. And and, you know, reflecting on, gosh, what it was before with her daughter, and now the only thing that we're focused on is a loose tooth. And she was happy about it. But the way that she presented it was humorous, and and she was using, she was harnessing humor in her post. And I and I'm willing to bet during her her cancer treatment that she's harnessing humor because it she knows that that's a release valve. Now, is it um is it always gonna fix things? No, but again, it's a it's a release valve. And the more that we can harness humor and find humorous experiences, like don't I can't touch your buns, ma'am. Um, you know, it helps us, it will really help us. And it helps us to be more adaptive, it helps us when we uh utilize humor, and I'll talk about some different ways that we can do that. When we when we utilize humor, it allows us to be more adaptive. So it helps us stabilize maybe a negative mood and bring us up a little bit more positively. It just helps us be more adaptive in situations, no matter what we're faced with. And so, you know, humor is great. And like I said, you know, it helped me that day to just really release the tension. Now, listen, humor can also be used incorrectly, like as a coping mechanism or defense mechanism. I've seen many times in the middle of sessions, if I've um, you know, hit on a point um or asked a question that was particularly uncomfortable for a client, they just start laughing. They just they just start laughing or they'd make a joke about it. And that is definitely that clues me into okay, I've I've hit a sensitive point here. I need to allow them to kind of process this and talk about if they want or if they need to move on. Um, but I always bring attention to that coping mechanism or that defense mechanism. I always say to them, okay, I'm I'm recognizing that this question that I asked you is is kind of it's touching a nerve. So would you want to tell me why that's touching your nerve or would you like to move on? So there is a way when we use humor, humor, that maybe it's not the best use of humor because it yes, it's protecting us, it's a defense mechanism. However, it's it's not um allowing us to kind of step into that discomfort. Does that make sense? It's so very important. Not all the time can we step into discomfort, and I understand that. But when we're using humor um to deflect from what our we're feeling, if we keep deflecting, we keep burying whatever you know is going on with us, eventually that humor's not gonna work. Eventually that defense mechanism is not gonna work, right? So humor can be used in a way that's you know not helpful, not helpful. Um, when I was thinking about humor, I was uh recalling uh Robin Williams and um in Patch Adams, and he used humor, didn't he, as a doctor with those kids? And I and of course Robin Williams, such an amazing human being and such a loss. Uh, you know, he he used humor and he battled mental health. So, how was he using humor? I think he was using humor to to help people in the world, but I also think he was using humor to cope with what he was facing. And unfortunately, he wasn't able to overcome. So, humor can't overcome everything. Again, it's about a release valve, but using humor can help with medical problems too, as we saw in Patch Adams. It was amazing to see that he dressed up as a clown with a big red nose, and it was helpful, it was very helpful. Um, and again, you know, we can use humor to cope with mental illness, but there's also, you know, the point where we have to approach um the discomfort that we're feeling. Again, it's it's to be used as a release valve, as a release valve. So, you know, as I was thinking about today's podcast and thinking about that poor kid that said, ma'am, I can't touch your buns, and just how badly I needed that release. I want to share with some ways that you can explore using humor and how you can really start harnessing this as a strength because it does, it does build up your resilience. So when you're faced with really difficult situations, you can harness it, you can grab a hold of it, and it can help you through some really difficult situations. So there's a couple of things that you can do. Uh, one of the things is that you can, you know, watch or listen to stand-up comedy. I follow a stand-up comedy group, and I really do not spend a lot of time on Facebook because most of the time it's not good for my mental health, but there's a stand-up comedy group, and I laugh so hard. I mean, there's some of them that not so much, but every once in a while I'm like, you know, I really need a laugh. I need a a release file right now. And so, you know, watch or listen to some stand-up comedy, something that, you know, a comic that maybe um, you know, resonates with you. Uh, a couple years ago, I went to uh actual stand-up comedy for about moms and with a friend of mine, and she was hilarious because it was it was relevant to my life as a mother. And so, you know, finding those opportunities to watch or listen to comedy is a great way for you to not only have a great experience, but for you to use humor, use that laughter to to release some of that pent-up energy. And the next thing you can do is hang out with some funny people. I have to say, and you know, I don't want my husband to buy a bigger hat, but my husband is so stinking funny. And it's funny because my sons have both picked up on his humor in different ways. My younger son is like physical comedy, he is so funny. I will never forget one time he was goofing around in the kitchen and he fell down. I was like, oh, and I thought he got hurt and he popped up and he's like, I'm okay. And it was just the way he did it was so funny. And then my other kiddo, my other older kiddo, he just like lobs these like humor bombs, and it takes you a minute to go, what did he just say? And then it's hilarious. So, you know, spend more time with people that are funny. And I know that sounds easier said than done, especially during this pandemic. So, you know, think about those people that that give you a release because they're just silly, they're just funny, and and spend some time with them and tell them thank you. That, you know, their humor really helps. Um, you know, the other thing that I think is so very important too is don't allow others to dictate what you find amusing. Okay. So, you know, I like a good dirty joke just like anybody else. I do. And that sometimes flies in the face of um, you know, my Christian beliefs, my Protestant Christian beliefs, but I don't feel guilt about it. And I don't allow others and and what they feel um about me laughing at a dirty joke. I don't allow that to be dictated to me. Does that make sense? Because if I think it's funny, I'm going to laugh. Now, if I think it's crude and disgusting, I'm not gonna laugh. But again, this is about helping you, you know, um embrace humor. So don't allow others to tell you what's not funny. Um, I'll remember one time we were doing a big family photo um during the holidays, and we're like, okay, funny picture with all the family. And this was with my my in-laws, and I stuck out my tongue. Well, they didn't like it. They didn't like that I stuck out my tongue. They kind of put me down for it. And and at first it kind of hurt my feelings, but I'm like, I really don't care. I think it's funny. It was fun to me. I was embracing the moment, and I didn't allow what they thought was amusing or they didn't think was amusing to determine what I thought was amusing. I was like, whatever, that's your belief. And I I I just let it go. Another way that you can embrace humor is read funny jokes or funny books, excuse me. So when I was first born pregnant with my first son, I am not a good pregnant woman. Ugh, I hated being pregnant and I had a really hard time. And I'll never forget, I read Jenny McCarthy's book on being pregnant. I mean, I'm talking this was my oldest is gonna be 14 this year. And so this was a long time ago, but I laughed and I laughed. I laughed so hard as a pregnant woman, I went myself. But it was so fun to just, you know, release myself from the fears and worries of being a first-time mom and all the pain that I was having. I just I was not a good pregnant woman. And to read a book and feel that release, that funny book. So find a funny book. Some other things that you can do is, you know, play with a pet, play with your kids, you know, really embrace being kind of a child with them and be silly and goofy. Um, you know, there's a lot to be said with um, you know, pets and children that they just don't care. And you can find humor in so many different things that they do. Um, we have this new uh German Shepherd puppy. I guess she's not new anymore. She's um almost eight months old, and she does this new thing now where she burrows her head on the carpet and then like she forgets that she's so upside down, turned around, that she flips her butt over and then she looks at me like, How did that happen? I mean, it is the funniest thing I've ever seen. And it's just this new thing that she's done. So again, embrace humor. When we embrace humor, it really does allow us to release some of that pent up um frustration, negativity, whatever we're feeling. And in when we embrace humor and we utilize it and we practice humor, that in turn is going to help us build resilience, especially in those times where it's just we don't think that we can find humor in any situation. And I'm willing to bet that you have met people where you're like, How are they laughing? How, how are they smiling during this? Well, I'm willing to bet they have really strong reserves of resilience. And part of that resilience is building up that humor bone and finding the things to find joy in and humor in, and that they know that if they utilize that and they harness that, it's going to give them that relief that they really are looking for. So I would love to hear from you about a funny situation where you were just at what's end. Maybe you're sick and you're fighting sickness and illness. Maybe uh you're having familial issues. I don't know. But that you utilized humor, I would love to hear from you. You can actually leave a note here on anchor. And if you can't do that, send me a message at piper at piperharris.net. Uh you can just check out my website at piperharris.net. But I want to hear from you. I would love to hear your stories on how you used humor to cope, to cope with your stress, with your, you know, coping with illness, mental illness, familial challenges, whatever it is. I want to hear how you used humor as your strength and how it really got you through a situation. Um, and Chick-fil-A, kid, I'm sure you're not listening to a podcast by a early 40s, mid-40s woman. Um, but I want to say thank you. I want to say thank you that you pulled me out of a funk. And I'm so, so grateful, so grateful to you that you can't touch my buttons. Thanks again for joining me today. It really does mean the world to me. So remember, you can put your poem of purpose into action. And if you enjoyed today's episode, please make sure to share it on your social media with your friends, with your family. I want nothing more than to help you transform your life and put that poem of purpose into action. And, you know, how does that look for you? Well, this is a way for you to discover it through this podcast. You can work with me through coaching. But again, thank you so much for your support. If you have more questions about coaching who I am, head on over to piperharris.net. You can sign up for a monthly newsletter or we can just chat. I would love to get to know you. So thanks again, and we will discuss more on how you can put your poem and purpose into action in future episodes.