Hey all, thank you so much for joining me today. So today is a little bit different than you're typically used to hearing on the Piper Harris Coaching podcast. I had a moment of vulnerability. So I had um done a Facebook Live, and I am attaching the audio for you all today. This is a place of immense vulnerability, but it really focuses on the weariness and the exhaustion that so many of us feel, and that although we feel like we have zero faith in ourselves and our abilities, and I share a lot about that today, I want you to be refreshed and reminded that there's someone that is so faithful in who you are. So listen in to this uh really vulnerable chat I gave today. Thanks so much for joining. Hey all, I don't know if I'm fully functioning live. Fully functioning is probably an interesting thing to say. So I'm gonna go to my page. Please excuse me while I do this to make sure everything's working. Let's see here. It looks like I am on. Let me write this here. So I am tired. Whoever you are, I just saw somebody jump on, say hello. Hey, Lisa. Oh girl, it's been a long time. Oh, would love to hear about you and what is going on. Make sure you send me a message. I would love to hear from you. So I'm jumping on. Um man, it's been a while since I've done a live. I look like complete crap, and that's okay. I am so tired, and I'm willing to bet that y'all can um understand that you can understand exhaustion and tired. But I wonder if you understand by looking at me what kind of exhausted and tired I am. It's not the physical, it really isn't. I've started a second phase and a workout program, and every muscle in my body hurts. I'm telling you, I can't even get off the toilet without it hurting. But it's not the physical, it's not the physical, but I am telling you, my heart is tired and my mind is tired, and emotionally and mentally, I am zapped. I am absolutely zapped. And you know, I think it's interesting that as a coach and counselor and training, you know, you read a lot of stuff about self-disclosure. And there's a lot of research out there about should we share how we feel, shouldn't we share how we feel with our clients when we're in sessions? And um I'm of the mind that yeah, we should share because I think the most important thing with those relationships that I have with my clients is that there's not a hierarchy. There's not, I mean, I know they come to me for my expertise and in uh you know CBT and helping them work through things. Sorry, I have a dog hair because my dog's shedding like crazy. Um, but they come to me thinking I'm this expert, right? But here's the thing: so many times I don't think that these clients that come to me don't understand that I may be this this expert and I'm studying and I'm doing all these things, but underneath it all, I don't feel an expert. And I always want to have this like us, like right here. I want to teach them some things and how I can help them, and I want to see them reach their goals and find healing, but I need them, I need them to meet me here and teach me about them, and um in that process, it is so very important, I think, to share of yourself. And so I'm sitting here, I was doing some training, um, additional training outside of school, and I'm just so tired, I'm emotionally tired. I um I'm just so weary, and I thought, you know what, this is not something that should be separate from you all. Because as a coach and a counselor and training, you have to know we're real people, right? And we have tough days too. So I wanted to share a little bit about this. I'm just so tired, and maybe maybe it's gonna resonate with you. Maybe it's gonna resonate with you. So many times I have clients that come to me and they're searching for healing, whatever it may be. It might be with something that they're trying to pursue, like maybe they're looking for career change, maybe they're struggling with depression, maybe they have lack of self-worth. I mean, there's there's so many different things I can't even list off whom comes to me and and and what they're struggling with, but they're weary and they're tired, and it's such a blessing to work with them, but it is also such a tremendous um responsibility, and I wanted to share that with you. This last couple of weeks, I've been in this weird space in my mind of what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go? And I feel like I'm just like pulled in a million directions, and I wonder if you all feel that way, like you feel like, okay, this is the the the course that's been plotted for me, and I'm gonna move towards this course, and then all of a sudden, bam, you're you're moved to another side, and you're going, wait a second, and and it's just you're you're jostled, you're just like, I don't, I don't know where to go. And it can be so hard to recognize a path, and then you're pulled in so many directions, and you just become so so tired. I wonder if you feel that. And if you're watching, please give me an amen or something that I'm not alone in this tug of war that's taking place in our hearts and our minds and our actual lives. You know, like where am I supposed to go? I thought it was here, but now it's over here, and that over here has been taken away from me, so now I think I have to go over here. I mean, it's this constant trying to figure out where we fit, and that has been the place that I've been in in the last couple weeks. As many of you know, I'm I'm studying in school to finally become a therapist. Finally, it's been 20 plus years, and um, it's been uh tough. I started at a different university that I didn't want to go to, um, but I had such a terrible GPA that um they're the only ones that would um you know choose me for my undergrad. And so I finally um transferred to a new university and I was just so thrilled because Liberty University, where I'm going to school now, is so in alignment with my faith and my trust in Jesus Christ. And I felt under assault, I'll be honest. I felt under assault at the other university, I wasn't able to share myself freely, my my faith and my belief system, yet everybody else was, and I just felt under assault. And it was so hard for me to to walk this line of loving others even though they're different, even though they're telling me I'm wrong, but I have to love them. Does anybody get that? It just it's it's you you feel like you're pulled in a million different pieces and places. And so I've been in this new um environment at Liberty University, and although it is an immense blessing to finally be at the university that I wanted to be in, they finally accepted me because I proved my worth. Um man, it's it's hard because what's happened is I've had to go back and retake a course that I I failed, well, didn't even take, didn't even get there in my undergrad. And it is devastatingly hard. That's such a bad word. It it's devastating my heart because when I went to my undergrad over 20 years ago, I believed I was stupid. I believed that I would never pass math. I believed that my worth was not um good enough. Like I I just believed my existence on this earth wasn't good enough. And so I worked and I worked and I worked and I tried to, you know, prove my worth within my work. And that's when I was doing counseling for adolescents and psychiatric units and group homes, and then I worked in nonprofits and I was working these immense hours, and then I had this totally opposite life, this totally opposite life of what I was doing. This opposite life was this life of destruction. I was going out and drinking and having all this fun, and I go sleep two hours, and then I go and work with these kids and tell them don't do drugs, don't do, don't drinking, and all of this stuff. I mean, it was just like these two people, and it was just it was such a painful dissonance in my existence. So I'm coming forward now, but I'm having to face that almost dissonance, it's coming back at me. Having to take this course is telling me, Piper, you're stupid. And I have to tell you, in the last week, I keep hearing that whisper of you're stupid. And here's the thing, y'all. If I don't pass this course, I cannot continue in this university. So it is painful to think that it won't happen because I believe that I've been called to be a therapist to heal people. Not me, I don't do the healing, you do all the work, but that I can walk with individuals to help them heal. And so I'm I'm I'm faced with this thing that I thought I overcame 20 years ago, and I'm faced with it again. Faced with it again. And so this morning I got up and I knew I had to finish my homework for the week, and I knew I had a quiz. So I did the homework and I did the quiz. And I failed my first quiz. I mean, 24 out of 45 points. Embarrassing. And the feelings that it brought up, everything that I thought I had put behind me 20 years ago that you suck, you're not worthy, you're not smart enough, you're crazy to think that this is what you're called to. All of that came up with me today, and I'm still fighting it. I'm still emotional. I'm trying not to be emotional with you all, but I am so tired of fighting that voice in my head that I am not good enough. I am not worthy of working with you. And then on top of it, it's just like God keeps giving me these situations where He wants to just pull me in directions where I'm like, I am not ready. I have clients asking me to do things that I have never done. I'm not trained in them. I'm not, I I just I why do they ask me? And so it's continuing this exhaustion that I'm feeling in my spirit because I don't know what to do. I've got this crap with this, this, you know, course that I got a crappy grade. Yeah, I'm still carrying a B, but come on, y'all, I got a 53% today, and it brings back all that stuff, and then I have clients asking me to do things that I just feel so ill prepared. I'm weary, I am tired, and I wonder if you feel that, like you feel like you're a failure, and at the same time you are asked to do things that you feel are beyond your capability. I know I'm not alone in this, I can't be, and that's why I had to share it. Because if we can't have honest conversations about the stuff that we're facing, I don't care if you're your coach or your therapist, you gotta know I am real, and this stuff is real and it is tearing at my heart. But I want you to know it's real because I'm willing to bet and I'm praying someday's like this with me, that you feel like a failure at times. And then at the same time, you're asked to stretch beyond the bounds that you know you're worthy of or that you can do, right, Sherry, every dang day. And I think I'm so upset because it matters because I want to do good. I want to effect change. Y'all, our world is a hot mess. And I talk to my clients every day, and I just I pray over all of them. Present, past, future. I pray that just help me to teach them so they can survive and move forward, and they can bring their beautiful impact into the world. But then y'all have to understand on the other side, I've got me, my personal. I feel like I'm a failure with a stupid freaking statistics course. I'm a wife and a mom, and how do you balance it? And here's the thing, I'm sharing this because I know you're feeling this as well. Because it's this constant jockeying, and it's so exhausting. So this morning I got up like I normally do every day, and get up early before my family wakes up, and I do my prayer time and my devotional time, and I'm in 2 Timothy right now, and so if you're not familiar with the Bible, you can Google this, you can look this up, but I'll read it to you. So I'm in 2 Timothy right now, and Paul, who is an apostle of Christ, is writing to Timothy, which is like his adoptive son. He just loves Timothy, and I can tell you, I have been discipled by someone she's past, and she meant the world to me. And I'm praying I'm doing the same for somebody right now. But Paul loved Timothy, and he's writing to Timothy from prison. He is in prison because he proclaimed that Jesus Christ died for our sins, raised from the dead, and he'll come back again. And this might not be something that you want to hear, and that's okay. You're totally free to turn this off. But this is important, and this is important for my heart, and I'm hoping it speaks to your heart. So Paul is talking to Timothy, and he's giving him guidance on his work as a missionary and telling people about Jesus. And Timothy is young, Timothy is very young, and you have to understand that Timothy and Paul were they were like best bros. Like he was Paul was the follow father figure, Timothy was the son, but they did everything together, and then Paul was captured and thrown into prison for his beliefs. And I have to ask you, how many times do you feel like you're in prison for your beliefs? Maybe it's not about Christ, maybe you're not a Christian, but how many times do you feel like in your mind, like I've heard this a lot from clients? I know I shouldn't be spoken to this way, but I keep doing it. I know this doesn't feel right, but I'm still stuck in it. That's imprisonment. That's imprisonment. And Paul was imprisoned and he knew he shouldn't be there. But he said, Okay, while I'm in prison, I am going to write to Timothy and I'm going to talk to him and try to uplift him, even though I am literally sitting in this cell, probably I can imagine it's dark and dank and it's wet, and there's rats scurrying everywhere, there's feces everywhere, and urine everywhere. It's an awful place, just like we feel imprisoned, and we're so stinking tired. But Paul still said, I'm going to write to Timothy. I'm going to write to him because I know I'm worried, but maybe I can just give him something. And so this is what Timothy says. He said, You then, my son, and this is 2 Timothy uh chapter 2, be strong in the grace that is Jesus Christ. And the things you've heard me, heard from me, say in the presence of many witnesses, and then trust to reliable people who will be qualified to teach others. So just trust me. I I've been told to do this for you. Trust me. Join me in the suffering. Like a good soldier for Jesus Christ. No one is serving as a soldier gets entangled in civilian affairs, but rather tries to please his commanding officer. Similarly, anyone who competes as an athlete does not receive the victor's crown or an award except by competing according to rules. The same goes for the hardworking farmer. He should be the first to receive the share of crop crops. Reflect on what I'm saying, and God will give you insight into all of this. Remember that Christ raised from the dead, he descended from David, King David. This is my gospel, gospel for which I am suffering even to the point of being chained like a criminal. But God's word is not chained. Therefore, I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they too may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, the eternal glory. And here is a trustworthy saying if we died in him, we will also live in him. If we endure, we will also reign with him. And if we disown him, he'll disown us. If we're faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself. So I read this this morning and I felt something, you know, but I was so focused on how tired I am and not knowing what I'm supposed to do. But as my day has progressed and I failed an exam and lost it, cried a lot, and I cleaned my house in a frenzy, thinking if I clean it's gonna, it's gonna clean what I'm feeling out of me. Does anybody else do that? That they clean the house, you know, and they think it's gonna clean what's going on in them. So I cleaned the house, and then I was like, oh my gosh, I have this session today. And it was just, I felt just so catty wompous, and then a new Potential client stretched me in ways that scare me. And I felt this just weariness and tiredness. But then I remembered what I read this morning that I am promised suffering on this earth, but that suffering is for good. Because ultimately I am suffering because I want to be so good. I want to affect change in your life and other people's lives. And so that's why I feel such a pain in my spirit. That's why failing an exam scares me. But that suffering is not just about you. It's because I was called to something greater in my life. And you know, as I thought about what Paul said to Timothy, that, you know, you don't get wrapped up in civilian affairs. I think about, oh my gosh, what am I getting wrapped up in? What's the root of what I'm feeling? I'm getting wrapped up on all this superfluous stuff. I'm getting wrapped up on failing an exam and being asked to do things that I don't know if I'm ready to do. But that's superfluous. That's just that's at the surface. That's the civilian things. My duty is to you. My duty is to learn. My duty is to tell you that I can help you right to here, and ultimately Christ can get you to there. That's my job. My job is that I continue to run the race, knowing that the end of it, I'm going to get that award, that victor's crown, because I make it to the end. Not because I get an A on exam, not because I do everything exactly right with my clients. Because I continue to run the race that's put before me. I just I wonder if so many of us feel like we are chained, we're imprisoned just like Paul, that we're just so tired. And I wonder if we could just take a step back and write a letter to our Timothy. You're my Timothy. And say, I'm enduring for you. I'm enduring for what I know the future is to come. Even though these chains hurt, even though I don't understand, I'm enduring because I know you are gonna continue on and do amazing and capable things. It's crazy to me that as someone that's studying psychology and every therapeutic technique and method I can get my hands on, y'all, all I do is study. It's not just this stupid statistics class. I am studying everything I can to feed into my clients and to help them find the tools of healing. I just I study and I study and I study and I study. But when I read this today and I started thinking about it, is that even though I'm faithless in myself and I just sometimes get so freaking discouraged, he will never lose faith in me. And I'm wondering if you need to hear that too. I think we all need to hear that. You know, I have my husband and he's amazing. And I called him and I said, I just don't know. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt people, I want to make sure I'm on the right track. I'm so confused and I feel like a failure. And he had these words, and basically he said, You are so faithless, but he has faith in you. And I wonder if you need someone like that in your life. I know I need it, not just from my husband. I get it from the Lord too, but gosh, it's nice to hear it from an audible voice, right? But faith is hard. Um, but to have my husband, and I'm sorry it's like snot crying, everything. I have my husband that says, Hey, he's faithful and he's gonna get you through. But he's that voice in my life. And I'm wondering if you're feeling so imprisoned and so very tired that you need to hear that. I have faith in you. I have faith that you were put on this earth with a divine purpose. I believe, regardless of what you believe, that God created plans for you. He created plans for you in your life. And we just gotta muck it out and figure it out. So although you may be faithless, he is faithful. And if you feel like you have no faith left in yourself, I'll pull up that faith for you. You know, one of the fate my favorite things that has been just spoken over me over the years is you are enough in me because I am enough in you. And that's God, that's Christ. But I want you to hear those words is that you are enough. And I had to hear that today. I'm I'm emotional, I am spent, I am weary, I am exhausted, but I had to hear I am enough. So I don't know. I don't know why I shared this, why I felt so compelled to share this and the snot, the tears. So many times when I share this side of me, I have such fear of what are people gonna think. Mom's on my social media, what's mom gonna think? What's like what you know? I just worry. But on the flip side, I think if I share, then that means somebody else is going to understand, and they're gonna understand that they're not alone in the exhaustion and the tiredness that so many of us are in the middle of right now. So I just I want to encourage you that you're not alone, that you've been designed with a beautiful purpose, and I know you don't feel it right now, and it's so freaking scary to pursue something, but you'll find it, you will, and you've got to keep pursuing it. Even when you're in prison, in those chains, and it's dark and lonely and desperate. Write that letter to somebody that you care for. Write that letter to yourself in the future, that future self that you hope you're going to be. As I'm imagining Paul's words to Timothy and that letter he wrote to Timothy, I imagine myself writing a letter to myself in six months, in a year, in ten years, saying, Piper, it is just a statistics class. Piper, you've got to use the skills that God has given you, even though you are scared to death and you believe you're going to fail. I've got to write those words to the next me. Because that's what pulls you out of that prison of exhaustion and just so tired, so deep in your heart and your bones. Anyway, that's it. Uh I don't know what to think about this life. I don't know what to think. And I guess it's not my job to think about or worry about what you're gonna say, is it? I was called to share it in a moment of vulnerable authenticity. What I can tell you is I still feel pretty crappy right now. But ultimately, I know that although I'm faithless in myself, God is faithful. And he is for you too.

Yeah.

Hey there, thank you for joining me today on the Piper Harris Coaching Podcast. If you enjoyed today's episode, please be sure to share it on your social media. Share it with your friends and your family. And if something really spurred, stirred something inside of you, send me a message. I'd love to chat with you about how you can find your poema and harness it for healing and vitality in your life. Thanks so much. I appreciate you, and you'll hear from me soon in future episodes.