Welcome back to the Untangled Mind Podcast. I'm Piper Harris, founder of Untangled Mind, counselor, and at heart a lifelong student of what it means to transform. Today's episode, we're talking about the courage to be seen. We'll explore what it really means to be seen by others, by a therapist, by God, and maybe hardest of all, by ourselves. If you've ever found yourself surrounded by people but still felt unseen, or if you've ever tried to explain what's inside you and it felt it land flat, or you've been therapy and found that the moment when you're no longer able to hide behind the practice stories, then you know what we're talking about today. So let's settle in. Good morning and happy Monday. So um I always take Mondays to do newsletters and podcasts and the sort. And so today we're talking about being seen. This is something that I've been really contemplating writing on. So please go to my blog and read um seen, and I really go into what we're going to talk about today. But something that I've really been thinking about, how do I discuss this? Because it comes up so often in session. And I just thought that this is a good kind of a little breather in between my empathy series. But I really do want to talk about the courage to be seen. So if you've followed my work for a while, you already know this. I absolutely love language and I love studying the Greek and that times Hebrew. And this is not just always for theology, but because language is transformational. In fact, my husband always says to me, Piper, words matter. He's such an encourager of learning and studying what words actually mean. So language can be highly transformational and it holds history, right? And revelation. And sometimes it's just in a single syllable. And so that's why so often I go to the Greek or the Hebrew, especially when I'm studying scripture, um, because they're just um more beauty, more meat to the word. In fact, um, my husband and I are developing a whole library at home, and we are um making sure that we have some of the greats on our shelves. And I said to my husband the other day, I was reading a couple different books. One was written, started being written in 1367, um, some others in the early 1900s, and I said to him, I said, the language is so much more beautiful than it is today, because we're in such a society where we rush around, right? We want to just kind of boil down words into the most easily consumed things, um, so we can just get what we want and get on our way. And I think we really miss out on words because words can change everything. So if you've also met me in person, you know that words are written all over me, literally. I have lots of words tattooed across my body. And whether you believe in tattoos or not, um each one of these words, and there most of them are in Greek, I have one in Hebrew, each one marks a moment of very deep change in my life. And these moments for me is when God made it very clear to me that something old needed to die, so something new could live on. So I wanted to kind of talk about this. And again, if you followed me, you know I love to study words Greek. Um, and so today that's what we're gonna do. So um, two of my favorite words, especially in context of being seen. And again, this is something like I often say, my podcasts, my blogs come up because of individual sessions. And this is not something that's just for one client that I've heard, it's just been more robust, I guess you could say recently, it's been more poignant in recent sessions. But I wanted to really study what it is to be seen, and so I went through the different Greek. What does this mean? Where does this come from? And it was really interesting to me because there's so many derivatives of seeing, and I just had to keep going through and I'm like, no, no, not that kind of see, like seeing, like, oh, I saw the bird, you know, nothing like that, but the depth of what I was trying to get across. Because again, when we start studying language, we can get so much more depth. So, two of the words that came up is um anignorysis and epinosis. Okay, so anignorysis, hopefully I'm saying this, anignorysis, A-N-A-G-N-O-R-S-I-S, and epinosis, e-p-i-g-n-o-s-i-s. That's what we're gonna talk about today. So, first, when I was studying this idea of being seen, um, the first word that came up was an anagnorysis. I'm gonna have a hard time with that. And it came actually first, um, where I noticed it first was Aristotle used it in his poetics, his writings of poetics, to describe that moment in a story when an ignorance gives way to a truth. So it's almost like when the moment a character finally recognizes what's been hidden. I'm willing to bet this is almost kind of the transformation we see when it comes to Jungian theory, when we actually have that kind of ignorance to that shadow that has been, that shadow self that has been kind of ruling our life. And then all of a sudden we are made aware of it. And so it really does open our eyes to the truth of our behavior and all of that. So that's what Aristotle, where I found this. So you can think about this um in context of Otopus, realizing he's both son and husband. Okay, so that that very thing he fled, he then fulfilled. And it's like this gut punch of awareness when our illusions shatter. So in modern story, we can see this again and again. So it's kind of like when a character comes to terms with what's been driving them, the moment they say, I can't unsee this now. So you can think of maybe Peter Parker and he realizes he's Spider-Man. Or, for example, when Tony Stark is confronted with the use of his weapons and the evil it was used for, and he therefore then decides to become Iron Man. Does that make sense? So it kind of helps understand it. So that's what an ignoricis is: it's a recognition, it's a revelation, and it's a clarity. So, so that's kind of where I first started to develop this idea of okay, what does it mean to be seen? You know, I just really had to dig into these words and their meanings because, again, we live in a society that wants to just blaze through words and get these little sound bites, but we are missing out on so much depth. So the agnerysis, it's not just intellectual, it is this very emotional, oftentimes moral, and existential uh shift that we see. And this can happen a lot of times um in therapy when a client finally connects to the pattern um that's kept them stuck, or maybe it's a long-held belief about themselves that they recognize like this is no longer true of me. We might call this an aha moment, right? So it's kind of this jolt of insight that reorganizes their internal narrative. Um, so we see this sometimes with, you know, um, they realize I'm they think I'm not lovable, and then they're like, wait a sec, I'm I am not unlovable, like I'm totally worthy of love. So it is a pretty significant shift that we can see with people. Now, scripture gives us something even deeper, and this is epinosis. So if agnerhysis is recognition, epinosis is transformation, and that's where I want to talk about the process of being seen. So let's stick in jump into epinosis. So in New Testament, if you're not a studier of the Bible of scripture, Old Testament is typically written in Hebrew, New Testament is typically written in Greek. So epinosis appears in verses like Colossians 1, 9 through 10, where Paul prays that all of us would be filled with the knowledge of God's will so we might walk in a manner worthy of him. So what that means is it's not just learning truth, it's living it. So that insight that you initially initially get then becomes embodiment. And I do believe that's what therapy does as well. It's this process of moving from I see it to I live differently because of it. It's it's it's very interesting as I studied these words, how we we kind of go through this this cycle. We we start, we have to start at the beginning, as as Aristotle spoke about and this agnerysis. Um, we had to start with the focus or recognizing our ignorance. And then that allowed us to step into more wisdom. But there it's more than just this intellectual thing, right? There is there's moral compass involved in this and this existential question of okay, you have this, you're no longer ignorant. What are you going to do with it? And that's when it comes into epinosis, and that's where um my study of this and this desire to do this podcast came from. Now, oftentimes there's something that stops people from reaching that transformation. And it's hard to get to that transformation because it's okay. I had one client say he was dating a gal, and he said, you know, she's got this like bookshelves of self-help, tons of bookshelves, but she's still so lost. We can't just simply keep um attaining knowledge, we can't keep, you know, adopting these, these, you know, cognitive things without um integrating it to self. And often the thing that gets in the way is something called the deepest irrational belief. And this is that quiet conviction under everything else. It's that lie. It really is the deepest irrational beliefs that write this script. So for one person, it might be I'm not enough. That's what their deepest irrational belief might be saying. For another, if people really knew me, they would leave me, or another, it might be my worth depends on how much I achieve, or even I don't deserve peace. So the deepest irrational belief oftentimes stops us from finding that true transformation because these beliefs are often, they're often formed way before we're able to speak, way before language use. They're these um unspoken agreements or yeah, agreements we make with pain. Does that make sense? So there's something that's formed way before we can cognitively understand them. And they show up again and again and again, and especially when we feel unseen. So when I have a client that sits across from me and says, you know, like I feel like no one understands me, that's rarely just about the situation. Rarely. It's really about that dib, the dip deepest irrational belief being reactivated, and the body remembers it. It remembers what it feels like to be unseen, unheard, or dismissed. So this deepest irrational belief can rear its ugly head for sure. Um, I spoke in the blog that I recently um had to confront this myself. I was in a recent situation where I was truly unseen. I was at a table with a bunch of people that know me very well, but there was no um see. I wasn't seen. And I'm not saying I need to be the focus of tension, uh, attention, hear me with this, but it was the lack of acknowledgement. I I literally felt like, why am I sitting here? What's the point? And what happened with that then is I had this kind of bombardment of my deepest irrational belief. And it just started screaming at me, being like, you know, Piper, you you maybe you're not interesting enough. Maybe nobody really cares. Or, you know, um, there's a sadness, there was an anger, but the anger was really this feeling of abandonment. And so what I had to recognize was like, whoa, Piper, you know, pump the brakes here. This is your dib talking, your deepest irrational belief. And I had to walk through it because it was highly, highly painful. Listen, it was not on purpose. These people I know very well and I know they love me. It just was an off night, but it really hurt. So I walk through the deepest irrational belief in my workbook. And so I walk through this exercise to uncover the deepest irrational belief because it's so important that we we uncover, you know, who it is. And what's fab fascinating about the deepest irrational belief is it was created right pre-language. So this is something that's developed when we're not aware of environments. So deepest irrational belief matures, its voice matures as we mature. So it can start very young and immature, like I'm a bad girl, okay, or I'm an unloved little girl. And it grows as we mature. And so that voice, although it's the same, it matures with us. So, and again, this is an irrational belief of self. So I'm a bad girl, could then mature into um, I'm worthless if I don't perform. So I do this with my clients. We start with that surface statement. So maybe it's like I'm I'm anxious because I can't stop overthinking. And then I ask, well, what does that mean when you can't stop overthinking? We have to keep digging into it because again, we're going to the most immature voice. So then we can find the most mature voice. It shifts how it speaks to us, but it really is the same deepest irrational belief. They might say, Well, you know, um, it makes me feel weak. It means I'm weak if I don't overthink. And then I ask, okay, well, what does that mean about you? So we keep asking until we hit the core, that quiet, painful phrase that feels almost um too vulnerable to speak. That's dib. And we go into it a little bit more deeper into the workbook. I have them personify the dib, which is a really interesting process. So, what I want to say is that process of identifying that dib, that voice, um, that's the moment of discovery, and that's that pure anignorysis. Am I saying it wrong? I keep saying it wrong. I keep reading it, y'all, and I keep saying it wrong. But it's that recognition. That's that moment of discovery, that recognition. So what happens is this veil almost lifts, and then we're finally seeing what's been driving our story. And here is what is absolutely beautiful about this and why this is such an important step that I use with my clients, and it is built into the workbook, is because once we name it and we recognize it and we hear it, we can change it. And that's where the shift towards the epinosis begins, the knowledge that transforms. So the lived truth that begins to rewrite your life. I love my work, y'all. I love my work. And when I see people step into these exercises and step into the really difficult conversations I have, or I ask them to sit in that discomfort or of being seen, I start seeing that shift, that ability to step into the process of transformation. And listen, transformation isn't like this single leap or this very linear pathway. It's a sequence and it's almost a rhythm. It's a pathway that you continue to walk. You have to walk it. And it's a continual lifelong process. It's stepping into, I recognize to get to transformation, I am willingly accepting the discomfort that comes along with it. What I want to say is when I was considering this podcast and the blog, you know, to be seen, it's fascinating. My my work in counseling started back in 1998. And it's really interesting the memories that come to mind when I do this, when I when I start reflecting and I start studying. I had uh this little client, gosh, 19, no, 2000, 2000, maybe. I'm trying to think. I think it was two 1999, maybe when I met this little client. Um, and I met him in the crisis residential center. I think he might have been 12 or 13. So the crisis residential center was just kind of the shortstop for kids, and then we had to figure out where we would place them. So it could be anything from they were in the foster care system already, or um, we had a transition into source, some sort of care. Mom and dad might one might be dead, one might be a meth head. It just everything was different for each kid. And so I met him. His name was Ricardo, and yes, I can share this name. This was in 1999. Um, don't know where he is, who he is, uh, wasn't even in Georgia State. But all that to say, um, he was this wily little boy and was kind of zany and precocious. And um man, he captured my heart. And so I met him at the CRC. And then as I did my work um through the area, then I went into some shorter or like longer-term placement homes, but not like the longest place-term placement homes. Um, I believe the last one that I worked in, they could stay up to 11 months and like 29 days, something like that. I can't remember, it was a long time ago. But he essentially followed me, which is heartbreaking, right? He followed me through these different stages. So it started off in crisis, then we had these two um homes in between that were kind of longer term, short-term. One was six months. I think the last one was up to a year, and then eventually he ended up at a boys' ranch with me. Um, and I got to see this shift in him. And I remember um he and I just became buddies. Like I just he was incredible, he was so much fun. And but I knew that this gregarious exterior was um his way of protection. I knew it was his way of protection. And so as he began to trust me, as we began to build this relationship, um, we would have more in-depth conversations. And keep in mind, I was a kid too. I mean, I'm 21 years old. How smart was I back then? Believe me, I wasn't, I was a moron. Um, but we also, but we did get to step into these conversations. And I'll never forget, I was finishing up at the boys' ranch. Um, and I was making breakfast one morning for all the boys, and he came in and he started helping me whip the eggs. I'll never forget. And he, in fact, he said, Mr. Spencer tells me you don't know how to whip the eggs, so I'm gonna help you so he's not mean to you. Mr. Spencer was one of the old guys that worked at the ranch, he was a jerk. But anyway, he and I were just standing in the kitchen, and I'll never forget he was just so quiet, which was unlike him. And so I just let him be quiet, and we worked together in the kitchen, making all the boys breakfast. And he was just so quiet, and I just thought, okay, I just need to hold this space. There's there's something, there's something coming here. And all he said is he's looked at me, he's like, Miss Piper, and I said, Yeah, babe. And he said, Um, I like that I can be quiet with you. And I told him, I said, Well, quiet is you too. You know, I said, I really like the guy that's super silly and you're a lot of fun, but I really like the quiet one too. And in that moment, I started to see something shift. In that moment, I literally saw this transformation. Listen, I don't know where Ricardo is now. I pray he's still alive. I pray he's thriving. I pray that that little morning, you know, making breakfast together had some sort of impact on because I can't forget it. This was 2001. I literally can't shake that morning breakfast with him. And so I I pray that he's okay. But the the neat thing is, is he in that moment of quiet, what happened was he was willing to be seen. He had the courage to sit there in the quiet to be seen. It was amazing. So So he acknowledged some things and I believe he started that transformational process. And again, like I said, it's it's not linear, this process of transformation. Um, it it takes time and it takes a lot of different steps. And so, you know, as I talk about these words, this to be seen, the courage to be seen, what I want to say in the process, the goal is never to reach perfection. It's about progression, it's about this deeper alignment between what you know and how you live today. And I'll be honest, it is not always comfortable. Another client story um from about a year ago, um, and one that I greatly, greatly regret. My heart hurts every time I think about this. I had a guy come in, um, mid-30s, and just a really, really painful, complex history, very similar to Ricardo's. And so instantly felt connected to him. And things were going. I felt like he was really trusting me. Um, and so we were going into the process. And one day he was particular, particularly elevated. It was really hard, the things that we were discussing. And so I also use education in here. I talk about the nervous system, what's happening with the brain, and I give different tools to clients. And so one of the tools, I said, Hey, would you be willing to lay on the floor? He just kind of looked at me like, what the hell is she asking? And the reason being is this is that our psoas, which is this giant muscle that kind of um wraps around our whole torso, it's called our trauma muscle. Um, being that when we're going into fight or flight, trauma is our fight or flight, it activates. So oftentimes if we can release the muscle, it sends that message up to the brain that we're safe. So he laughed at me. He's like, okay, Piper. And he rolled his eyes. And so he got on the floor and he put his feet up on the couch and he was laying there. I'm like, You comfortable? And he laughed and he's like, Why would I be comfortable? It's a freaking floor. So I was like, okay, maybe I need to bring a floor mat in. It was pretty funny. Um, so we're just sitting there, we're kind of still processing through some stuff, and I recognized he was still really struggling. And I was like, okay. And I said, Well, would you mind if I got the weighted blanket for you? Like, I'm I'm trying to bring safety to you. And he's like, Yep, that's absolutely fine. So I got the weighted blanket, and I essentially tucked in a grown man. And in my heart of hearts, I thought I was doing the right thing, that I was teaching his nervous system in this space. We did laughter because he's making fun of me of telling him to lay on the floor and asking if he's comfortable. Like I brought laughter in, I brought all these things in, and I thought the act of you know, regulating his system with a weighted blanket was the way to go. But my greatest regret is he never came back. And in recalling what took place, it was because that moment was emotional nakedness for him. I exposed too much of him through my tenderness and my act of care. It was too much. I really did think in the heart of hearts and in my mind, like I'm I'm regulating his nervous system. This is what we're gonna do. But what I did is I went too fast and it created this emotional nakedness for him. And I know in that moment he was like, damn, I'm exposed.

And he didn't come back. Ugh, it kills me.

You know, it we try to do everything right, and I thought I was getting him to that point of the transformation, but I wanted it so fast that I laid him bare and he was not ready for it. And this can happen in other sessions. I remember telling my husband when I was preparing for the blog and the podcast, I said, I just have such regret with that one client. And my husband said, But this is how you learn. So you have to share that that part. You can't learn except through experience. Same with little Ricardo, right? I would have learned what it meant to hold space with utter silence for someone and how transformational they could be if Ricardo hadn't whipped eggs with me one morning. So I ask my clients, and now I'm a little bit more measured, that this is gonna be pay really painful. This this progression I'm asking you to step into. It's not always comfortable, and often you're gonna feel emotionally exposed and just naked. And I have to remind them that that's where the new growth begins. That's where the nervous system learns that safety isn't the apps, the absence of vulnerability at all. It's actually being seen and accepted. It's this we're we're naked as she birds, right? When we step into this stuff. But if we if we go through this new growth process, it's that slowly weaving of a new garment that we're we're wearing thread by thread. So it's understanding what we're going through, it's learning regulation, it's understanding what's taking place in our mind, it's it's faith, it's self-compassion. That's what epinosis looks like. That's when the knowledge becomes living truth. So I kind of want to pause right now and ask you, where are you right now in your own process? Maybe you're right at the beginning, maybe you're starting to recognize those old patterns for the first time. Or maybe you're in the middle where that awareness has become, um, has come, but like the consistency of living differently is still wobbly. Or sometimes what I find in the middle is we start becoming so aware that we're so naked we are almost paralyzed with fear. Or maybe, and I pray you're in a season of clarity and you're refining what you've already built. So wherever you are, remember this that the transformation isn't something that we master ever. It's something that we continue. I said um the other day, I was helping someone, a friend of mine asked if I would talk to her cousin. And I said, sure, not a problem. And he was talking about some difficulties that he was happening. And I talked to him about that he was going through some really tough stuff and not to numb it. We're specifically talking about medication use. And I said, It's really, really the best thing for you to learn to suffer well. Transformation is leaning into our suffering and being able to do it well. And I know that sounds awful and terrible, but y'all, this world is not a happy place. We we will make it what we transform into. Does that make sense? So, this is this whole process is something that we have to continue. It's lifelong work, it's lifelong work that helps us become more whole. I believe that transformation is just like sanctification. It does not stop. We keep becoming, we keep growing, and we keep seeing more clearly. So this is where I was at with this courage to be seen. It starts with that knowledge, right? And then it moves into this transformation. We have to integrate these pieces. And when we're in therapy, it it's a place to mirror. Um, Dan, Dr. Dan Siegel, who I love, says, what is shareable becomes bearable. So it's the act of being seen that organizes this chaos that we're feeling into coherence. It's the therapist's way of being steady in the form of containment, externally helping you to regulate. And then, therefore, it turns into internal regulation. It's amazing. It means so much for us to be seen, and it's not merely just being observed, it's it's to be known, right?

It's to be known, to be seen, to be known. So that's kind of where I was at with this.

The to be seen. What I want to say is that this is a terrifying process, but it's also very tender. It exposes what we fear, but it also reveals what is good. And most of my clients, all of my clients, describe their first moments of this, you know, authentic recognition and therapy as like super raw, super naked, like Will Piper. This is poof, right? But when you feel that, what I want to encourage you is that nakedness is precisely what you need to form a new identity. If you turn from the nakedness in shame, in fear, it's not gonna happen. The new identity can't be formed. It's that courage that we have to take in being seen. So that's being honest with our therapist. That's being honest with our insights. It's it's recognizing when a therapist says something from a very objective stance that this is not about them helping you, this is helping you build that new garment. So you don't have to feel naked. And the biggest thing through this process is self-compassion, right? We have to include self-compassion in this process because it is not an easy one. It is not an easy process. So in 1 Corinthians 13, 12, this is a scripture and it says, Now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face, now I know in part, but then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. What this is saying is that we only see ourselves so dimly in the mirror, but we have to do the work. We have to do the work of fully being known now and knowing self. I believe the way to fully get to that place is a life committed to Jesus. But if that's not your jam, okay. But then I would ask you, where are you getting stuck in the process? Because this transformation, transformation is not becoming uh more ego-driven. This is not about becoming more me, right? The meism that affects our world so greatly. It's not about that, it's about embracing being fully known, even for our darkest parts and recognizing that we were are we are loved in spite of that. And hey, by the way, as therapists, and I know I do, I really try to exemplify that to my clients. No, I'm not God, but I'm trying to. So every layer of healing, every season of awareness, it brings us a little closer to seeing ourselves and others through that kind of clarity. That's what I want for you. You're seeing yourself dimly in a mirror right now. You're face to face with yourself that maybe you don't know. But I want you to truly fully know. And so that's when you have to step into the epinosis. So now before I close, I want to say on a little lighter note, it's almost Halloween. And that is one of my most favorite times of year. Why? Because you can dress up and be somebody else. You can dress up and be silly and fun. And so this year I'm inviting my clients to Transformation Week to join in the fun. So, what I've asked them is they want to come to session that week of Halloween, come dressed up as something they've learned or they've become or they're learning through the therapeutic work. So they can show up as boundaries or no longer overthinking or whatever represents their transformation. Because listen, this is what I want to say. This is some heavy stuff. This is some heavy stuff. The courage to be seen to step into the therapeutic environment. It is some heavy stuff. And therapy, it's tough. But sometimes we learn best when we laugh and we play and we celebrate what's changing. And if my clients have been around me more than a minute, they know I love to dress up. And I think that we could all use a reminder that becoming someone new doesn't erase who we were, it redeems it. Remember Peter Parker and Spider-Man? He was two and the same. So whenever you're in your process, wherever you are in your process, whether you're still uncovering that dib, that deepest rational belief, or you're stepping into the next level of your own path, keep going. Keep going. Transformation isn't a finish line, it is a way of life. Study words. Words are beautiful. Don't take the language that is written today. I really encourage you, like if a word sticks out to you on a page in a book, start doing some research. What does this mean in Greek? When was this written? What was the context? The depth that you will learn in your growing experience is so immense when you study a language. So that's the courage to be seen. And it's, you know, not a finish line. It's a way of life. And it begins always, always with the courage to be seen. Every single time. Thanks so much for joining me today. That brings us to the end of this episode. Thanks so much for joining me. Hiper Harris with the Untangled Mind Podcast. I hope you learned some tools that can equip you to untangle your mind and untangle your life. If you're curious about working with me for your anxiety or trauma, head on over to my website at untangledmind.net to connect with me. If you enjoyed the show, please rate and review me on your podcast listening platform and share it with your friends and family. As always, thanks so much for listening to me.