Welcome to the Untangled Mind Podcast. I'm Piper Harris, a licensed professional counselor specializing in integrative CBT for trauma and anxiety, where I help you untangle your mind. As a year comes to a close, there's a familiar pressure to jump straight into New Year's resolutions, whether that be new goals, new habits, or new promises. But before we ask who we're going to be next year, I think it's a more important question that needs to be asked that most people avoid. What actually happened this year and how did I respond to it? I've practiced year-end reflection for many years now, both personally and professionally, and I look forward to it precisely because it isn't always comfortable. It's not self-congratulation and it's not self-punishment. It's an honest counting. So today I want to talk about how I approach year-end reflection, how Untangled Mind has evolved this year, and how you can do a meaningful reflection on your own without falling into shame or avoidance. Let's get to it. So today is December 15th of 2025, and we're going to be looking at reflections over resolutions. So it is midway through December, and more than likely you're not even thinking about the new year, maybe possibly, but you probably haven't gotten to those pesky New Year's resolutions yet. And that's why I wanted to take the time to talk to you about what a reflection is and how it's even more power powerful than a resolution. For myself, um, I have been practicing this for well over 15 years. Um, typically I take, oh, at least a week, um, off and on. It's not, you know, eight hours a day or anything like that, but it's a couple hours a day to go through my year and reflect on both personal and professional aspects of it. Um, and I really kind of set my ideas, my intentions, my goals for the following year. Now, why is that different than a New Year's resolution? Well, number one, New Year's resolutions don't work. Um, research shows us that everybody fails about 95%, maybe it was 85% of individuals give up their New Year's resolutions by the first week of February. So a reflection really what that does is it really helps you look at the year that we're closing out and uh assess it honestly, and then you create those new goals, new habits, and new promises to yourself. So it really is different in the sense that we're actually looking at what actually happened in the year that we're in and how did I respond to it. Too often, New Year's resolutions are these kind of I wish statements or those new promises. Whereas what I think is really um essential for us to have um, you know, honest reflection of selves and goals moving forward is how did I respond emotionally, mentally, behaviorally? We don't really look at those when we think of New Year's resolutions. They're usually pie in the sky. So that's why I wanted to talk about how reflection matters more than resolutions. This year, I'm excited. I don't know that my clients are excited. Um, this will be my last full week at the office, and then I'm closing for two weeks, which is wild. I actually haven't done this in over five years. Um for me, for this year in particular, I'm really needing it. Um, if some of you um have been keeping up with me on social media or even the blog, I finally, finally, my gosh, received full licensure with um the state of Georgia as a licensed professional counselor. This has been such an arduous process. Um, I started my schooling back in 2020. I went back to get my master's after losing my um my whole company with uh COVID, like many people. And rather than wallow in it, like I was doing, my husband said, Hey, you need to go back to school for what you're actually supposed to do. And so it was great. I mean, COVID was obviously painful and awful, and there's all kinds of things that all of us went through, but it really did propel me back into what is my my love, which is counseling, which is psychology. Um, I've spoken about it in previous podcasts. Um, I believe the Lord told me to be a counselor in fourth grade on the playground. It's a whole long story. Um, I wrote about my story in a book that I was asked to write a chapter on. But so I finally went back to it and started this very arduous process and finally received licensure. They don't tell you that, you know, you you painstakingly make it through school and then you have to hit so many hours um under supervision. So Georgia changed it to 2,000 hours or two years. You can take longer than that, but I was definitely not going to take longer than that. So I actually hit my hours back in August, um, turned in all my application paperwork in the state just now, said okay, but I digress. I'm just grateful that I have it. So this year I needed extra time. I really needed some extra time for this reflection process where I look at this past year, I look at what I set for myself the year before, the December before of 2024, how I really acted, behaved, thought, moved through my year. Um, and so I'm taking two weeks to do it this year, and I'm really looking forward to it. Reflections, um, when you do this kind of a process, they really um they really help you focus on find that clarity in what you're looking for, clarity on yourself for the year that's what you're within, and clarity to help you provide who you want to be in the next year. So I think the difference here is that resolutions really focus on like exerting this kind of weird, wishful thinking control on things, whereas this reflection process really allows us to focus on clarity. And what happens is that what I see oftentimes with resolutions is that a lot of people they can't really choose wisely for their future if they're not honestly looking at their past or who they are today. And what I also see with this process, because listen, it is not always a fun process, the reflection process, is a lot of times people avoid it. And the avoidance really masquerades around as optimism or even some other um, you know, excuses like imposter syndrome, that sort of thing. We'll talk about those. But most people skip reflection because it it allows them to remove that plausible deniability, right? It's like I'm gonna skip this because, you know, I I did great this year, even though um those same issues keep following me around. So most people prefer setting intentions, and I know I'm kind of using those words um interchangeably rather than examination. When I use the word that I am setting intentions for my next year, it's because I've done so through deep scrutiny of self and examination. And I'll explain the difference between bad scrutiny and good scrutiny. But here's the thing when all we do is prefer our intentions over examination, we don't change our patterns at all. And so just our patterns can't change just because our calendar does. And we have to understand that just because 2026 is right around the corner doesn't mean we are changing unless we do a really deep, thoughtful reflection process. Growth does not come from wanting better outcomes. We like my husband's grandfather used to say, and it's pretty crass, you can want in one hand and crap in the other, which one is going to fill up faster. Um, so growth doesn't come from wanting better outcomes, it really comes from understanding your actual patterns under pressure. And so that's what we're really going to be discussing today. So when we're looking at self-reflections over resolutions and why I think they're different, the first thing that we have to understand that there is a key balance between self-congratulation, right? And that kind of masquerading around as like everything is awesome, and self-flagellation. So I often think about this as on a continuum. Um, we have to be able to first really be honest about that narrow space in between those two extremes. Now, what I think is really helpful is let's define what an over-the-top self-congratulation looks like and what self-flagellation looks like. Because again, those are our two opposing ends of the continuum, right? But if we don't define them, we won't know when we're starting to butt up against them. You can kind of think of them as our guardrails on the highway, right? Like if we start hitting that guardrail or we hit those rumble streets strips, it's like, oh crap, I'm going into like the self-congratulation, I'm awesome, or oh crap, I'm over here at self-flagellation, I'm just beating the hell out of myself. So they're the rumble strips on the road to keep us focused on honest reflection that lives in that narrow space between these two extremes. So self-congratulation can be like, yeah, I did everything right. Everything was great. I mean, I was amazing this year. So obviously, no one is amazing, no one is awesome. No, every single 365 days a year. There's there's no way. And so when I hear people do this, it's like, okay, let you know, like let's be real. Now, self-congratulation can also come in the form of um, you know, I did my best. It's this really um kind of fluffy approach. Like, I understand giving ourselves grace 100%. But if all you do is give yourself grace, you start to use that as an excuse. So be aware of that on the self-congratulation side. Now, the self-flagellation side, obviously, this is where we get stuck on the EOR kind of mindsets, right? Is you know, everybody hates me, nobody likes me, guess I'm gonna go eat worms. You're sitting there beating yourself with a stick. Self-flagellation doesn't help you at all. So one side is self-congratulation, so you're minimizing mistakes, you're reframing survival as maybe success, maybe you're avoiding uh responsibility under this banner of self-compassion. And then on the other side is self-flagellation, where you're gonna see that rumination, you're shaming yourself, or you're replaying this year as a list of failures. Neither of these, listen to me, neither of these produce wisdom. So we have to be very aware of those. We have to be on in the in-between. So good reflection questions, um, good reflection, excuse me, asks different questions. So not was I good or I was bad, right? Because we're we're back on those very polar opposites of the continuum, but rather we can ask questions like, what did I do when it mattered? What did I do when it, you know, it mattered, or how did I avoid? How do I avoid engaging, whatever it may be? Um, and asking things like, what did I learn about my limits, my values, and my capacity? These are really key questions to ask ourselves for a good reflection. And when you go through a year of reflection, everybody's different. Um, for myself, because I've been doing it so long, I have quite the process. I'm a big journaler. I try to journal every single morning. I do this in combination with my scripture reading, my prayer, that sort of thing. So I actually go through my journals for the whole year and I'm asking these questions because they're the filter that I need to look through rather than the am I good, am I bad? So, what did I do when it mattered? What did I avoid? And what did I learn about my limits, my values, and my capacity? So, for example, for this past year for myself, what's been really coming to the surface, and this typically happens right around Thanksgiving, is I start really um looking forward to my year-end reflection. Now, I what I want to say is it's not fun. A lot of times it's not fun, and I think this year is going to be particularly difficult for me. But for example, what I have been recognizing about my last year, especially in light of finally received receiving my LPC, something that I need to contend with, excuse me, something that I need to contend with for myself this year, an honest reflection is that I have recognized that there was a loss of humility and grace giving. So let me explain. So going back to 2024, um, if you listen to last year's year-end reflection, I did that with my business partner, Susan. She and I are no longer together, but we shared last um year end reflection, last December, that back in June of 2024, somebody anonymous anonymously sent an uh report to the state of Georgia about our business. Um fortunately, I mean, it was completely unfounded. Um, it was revenge, it was retribution, we have a pretty good idea of who it is. Um, and it cost us tens of thousands of dollars, and it was just a really painful process. What came of that? What came of that is I recognized this year, 2025, I came out in a duke's up stance. Like I'm gonna fight everybody, I'm gonna prove you that I'm right. I became very anxious, I came, became very paranoid. Um, and I'm not excusing my behavior, nor am I placing responsibility just on the board. But this is what I'll say is that the board is just there to do their job. However, they didn't do a good job. They didn't investigate the allegations, they didn't look into the individual that made the allegations. And the very people that say they're all about ensuring that the helpers are good in the industry didn't even ask the right questions about our partnership and what was taking place, and it caused um harm. It caused harm. However, how I managed that harm was wrong. So, what happened with that, where I say I lost my humility and my grace, is that with that kind of anger and this hyper-vigilance, I was just uh constantly taking the stance of I'm gonna prove everybody that I am who I say I am. I'm gonna be better than every therapist on the face of the earth. And it came across as arrogance. Um, I don't like saying this out loud. It's embarrassing. But you can read it. You can read it in my pod or in my blogs, you can hear it in my podcasts, you can hear that stance of lack of humility of like, screw you, come after me, I'm gonna prove myself. Um I don't like sharing this because it's embarrassing. However, the reason I'm sharing it is if I'm asking you to step into real, actual, honest reflection, then I have to do the same and I have to share the same with you. And so I recognize that this is what came out. What also came out was this lack of grace, in the sense of even in my personal life, we had some issues happen um with family members, and I just I got angry and I didn't afford grace and because people weren't doing what I thought was the right thing. Well, who the hell says that my way is the right way, right? So that's why I'm saying that in the last few weeks I've really recognized oh that's something that I really need to contend with is that loss of humility of and grace. How did I respond to these allegations? How did I respond to the corresponding year? Not that well, right? But this is what I want to say is the painful points that we find in our self-reflection are absolutely the most informative. They suck, I understand, but they are the most informative. Pain is data, not condemnation. Is there a part of condemnation with what I'm saying about myself? Yeah, of course. Because how am I gonna change? If I'm like, oh, I'm fine, then I'm still an arrogant jerk. If I'm like, oh, well, it's okay because I had such a bad year, then I'm dismissing my responsibility taking, right? So pain is data, it's not condemnation. And really what it's telling me is that resistance is information that I need to sit down and honestly assess and reflect on to ensure that I shift the way that I approach 2026. And here's the thing too, is oftentimes when you're doing a reflection, especially if you do it year after year, you will find repetition. And repetition is a teacher. Have I lost humility and grace over the years? Of course, everybody does. I don't know as if it was as severe as this year. Um, but we have to be aware of when we start doing our assessment of reflection, um, if you're seeing a repetitive theme, you have to be aware that this is something that's there to teach you. This is information. So we've got to look at that honestly. So I want you to consider these things. I want you to ask yourself, where did you feel friction this year? Where was the friction? How did that feel? What did it look like? Was the friction with you? Was the friction within your interpersonal relationships? Now, if you say it was in interpersonal relationships, are you taking responsibility for yourself? Now, if you're only seeing within yourself, okay, if you have friction just within self and maybe you're having a hard time reaching goals or whatever it may be, what was standing in your way? What caused that friction? We have to really assess that. How about this question? What conversations were delayed? This year for me and for Untangled Mind, it was a year full of avoided conversations and conversations that came about in a way that they didn't that I didn't want them to. So what conversations were delayed and what happened when you delayed them? Um, how about this one? Where did fear, exhaustion, or control drive decisions? And when you think about that, right, the fear, exhaustion, or control, what was propelling that? Does that make sense? Not just the fear, not just the exhaustion, not just the control, but what was the thought, right? We're getting back to the CBT. What was the thought that was driving those things? So, like I told you with the year that I've been having, the thought that was driving everything that I was doing is absolute fear that the state board would take away the very thing that I have worked my ass off for that I have been told to do for my entire life. It was absolutely fear-drummed. And it was also um really angry, really, really angry. Um, and so you have to ask yourself, what were those thoughts? The thought for me was I am good enough, damn it, and I'm gonna show you. Um, here's another question. What did you know, but you did not act on it? Ouch, right? What did you know you needed to absolutely do, but you did not act on? That's a key one. Listen, a lot of people, they they sit back and they do nothing. There's no action, and then they blame it on everything else. It might be, well, I was too busy, or somebody did something to me, or I've got imposter syndrome. If we use too many excuses, what we're saying is, I know what I need to do, but I'm not gonna act on it because it's more comfortable for me to sit in this space of either lying to myself or just completely absconding responsibility. This is a really difficult one for a lot of people. And again, you have to be careful when you're asking these questions not to fall into self-flagellation or self-congratulation, right? Remember our rumble strips. We have to be very aware of those rumble strips when we're looking at this. So the moments that bother you when you're looking back at them are really often the ones that are asking for your attention. This is not because you failed, but because they reveal something unfinished. What are they revealing to you? It's so important when you go into a year-end reflection to consider these things. Resolutions don't work. They don't work, but you've got to honestly assess what have I done this year to ensure that I reach those goals I set. If you've not reached those goals, or maybe you've reached 15% of them, you gotta look at yourself. You've got to assess what's going on. We have to take responsibility for those. We have to see what behaviors um continued the lack of progress, what beh what behaviors actually helped me to progress? Listen, you might have had a fantastic 2025, and I love that for you. So, what behaviors did you have to navigate to um, what did you have to reinforce behaviors, what thought processes did you have to reinforce to ensure that you continued in a forward positive momentum? Everything is about how we think and how we act. If you are sitting there only talking about how you feel, I feel like a failure, I feel like the world was against me, I feel like da-da-da-da-da-da, you're gonna be trapped. You're gonna be trapped. So you've got to look at how you think about how you behave and how you behave, how you think. Does that make sense? So, really, again, when you're looking back, when those moments really kind of bite at you, they are often telling you, hey, pay attention to me. And usually they're saying, hey, we need to look at something that's unfinished, whether that's in self, whether that's in goals, whatever it may be. So, you know, with Untangled Mind, there's been a lot of change this year. Obviously, I received my LPC, just received it on the 8th. So, like, this is brand new. What I will tell you for 2025, there has been a lot of different shifts for me. So, there's been a lot more refinement. I had um published the Untangling Anxiety and Trauma Workbooks, and they were great. I mean, my clients did the work in them. I got positive reviews, I got some bad reviews, which was awesome. So, what I'm choosing to do for 2026 is I'm gonna refine that rather than expand that. I'm not looking to expand my workbooks. I'm looking to refine them to ensure that the Untangled Mind pathway process absolutely works for my clients in trauma and anxiety. And here's the thing, too, what I really feel for Untangled Mind is I'm really truly moving forward with clarity and away from the noise of not having the LPC, of the fear of the state. Um, the noise is calmed, and I'm really praying that I can rest this year. In addition to just the stressors of the professional stuff, um I've been extraordinarily ill, so sick. Um, and finally came out of it in September of all the things they finally diagnosed me with long COVID, which I honestly thought was bunk. And I hate to say that to some of you, but like I had blood clotting disorders, um, I was losing hair. I mean, like it was really, really scary. Um, and so I'm just really grateful that I can end this year healthy. Number one, thank God for my health. It's coming back. Um, and so that's kind of clearing the noise for me. And I'm really moving toward 2026 with clarity. That clarity really brought that Susan and I ended our professional relationship. We had really hoped that the idea of having consulting and and counseling would work, but we just weren't in unison when it came to our approach to business. There just there wasn't a unification on that front. Um, and so with the LPC, we've chosen to part ways. Um, it was a really hard decision because I've I've known Susan for over a decade. Um, and we've been working together these last two years, and she was my supervisor when I was in internship. So I'm deeply grateful to her and us trying this thing. But going into business as an entrepreneur is a very, very difficult task, and it just wasn't a unified process. And so we've parted ways. So, but I am moving forward with clarity, saying, okay, that part of the business is done. It helps me not be so anxious, like, you know, what do I do? How can I help the other side? It really does help with that clarity and it moves me away from the noise of what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? Um, when it was not so much focused on how do I build untangled mind, how do I help another business partner? So that's really giving me the opportunity for clarity and away from noise. Here's the other thing for Untangled Mind. I am really standing more firmly in my convictions. So, although I've been kind of an ass, and I'll be honest about it, with the way that I I spoke in podcasts and blogs, I am still more deeply convicted in the fact that the therapy industry, the counseling industry needs a massive makeover. Massive. We are looking at an absolute mental illness, mental health epidemic, yet we have more mental health therapists than we did 10 years ago. Why is that? Well, because I don't think that mental health therapists are actually doing any good. I think that the generalist approach is very dangerous, that you cannot help everybody generally. I think that this idea of this affirmative care, just nodding your head and making people feel better for spouting for an hour, it does no good. We have to get back to what counseling, what psychotherapy is actually about. Let's help you, let's give you the goals, let's have the data to prove that we've helped you find some healing and you're sent on the way. But anymore therapy looks like this passive head nodding and this emotive um process for for clients, and there's nothing fruitful out of it. That's why nobody's getting better. So I do stand in my convictions that the therapy world needs vast, vast change. And so I do step into that very deeply into my convictions. I am not a generalist. I only do anxiety and trauma, I only do EMDR and CBT, um, integrative CMD CBT, excuse me. I am standing very firmly in those things. Um, I'm standing standing very firmly in my processes. I'm I'm I'm not going to look at every different kind of process across the board and say I can do 15 different therapeutic approaches. No, I'm actually using approaches that are data driven, that are proven by research, because too much of what's coming out in this therapy world is, oh, we just think it works. That doesn't work for me. That's not good. We got to tighten these things up. So I'm standing firmly in those convictions. I'm also standing firmly in my convictions as a Catholic, as a Christian. I am allowed as a Catholic Christian to tell you what my belief systems are. If you don't agree with them, then you don't have to see me as a therapist. There's plenty of therapists out there, but I'm not going to be quiet as a lot of people in the industry have told us to be. I'm not doing that. So I do know that I'm standing so much more firmly in my convictions. I'm standing firmly in the systems that I built. The Untangled Mind is premiere counseling. I don't believe in a huge, vast roster of clients. That's not fair to them. It means, though, that I do have a higher price point, but it's because I give you so much more. That's why I do assessments and monthly reassessments and summaries and launching in 2026 a client-only video hub, newsletters, podcasts, blogs. I'm doing what I can to make myself stand out. Get everybody the tools they need, and then they can go on their way. So for the year end of Untangled Mind, I am standing firmly in my convictions and it feels really freaking good. And I'm letting go of what no longer aligns. You know, we have to consider those things. Sometimes we have to let go. So this year at Untangled Mind wasn't really about doing more, it was about doing things more honestly. So I was tightening language, um, declaring clarifying my values, refining how I provide care. And listen, not everything worked, some things required correction, and that's exactly what reflection is for. For example, there's um a point in one of the workbooks, in the workbooks where I have them do externalization of voices, and I'm telling you, it fell flat with almost everyone. Um, so that that suckers out in the revisions. So, you know, I I've done those things that required correction, and that's really necessary. And personally, you know, my year-end review is really going to focus on grace and humility because I really felt like the lack of those this last last year, this year was a real sticking point that needs um concerted effort, needs me to contend with it, needs me to assess this, needs me to ask forgiveness of the Lord with, needs me to reflect on how I'm going to be behave in the new year. And you know, the problem with this thing that I'm seeing of grace and humility is that it did affect my year professionally. The idea that I had to show up to fight, that's not a good way to show up. So this year and reflection, I'm really looking forward to it. I'm already kind of there as you can tell, but I can't wait to sit down and put a pen to paper. So, how do you do your own year and reflection? Number one, look at your patterns, not just events. Now, sometimes a lot of people like to do a timeline. That's kind of basically what I do with my journals, but look at patterns that show up, not the events themselves. Number two, notice emotional reactions and resistances. Okay, so you're gonna see that. If you have an emotional reaction, ask yourself, what am I reacting to? Is it a perceived issue or is it something I've done? Like really be assessing. You can't say everything is everybody else's fault. You're not gonna get anywhere if that's how you look at life. Number three, I want to ask where your values were integrated or not. This is also very important for you to consider. Where do your values, where have you seen them integrated in your work or where you don't see them? And finally, identify what you're carrying forward and what you're releasing. So, so important. We have got to be honest with ourselves that this is what we're going to be doing. Now, as I said before, this isn't something that you rush through in just an afternoon. You have got to do this in a structured way, this kind of reflection, you need it. Um, so for you, I've actually created a year and reflection packet, and it's available for complimentary download on the website, on my website, under the resources. And it's not a resolution planner. I want to make that very clear. It's designed to help you examine patterns, decisions, values, and behavioral responses without shame and without avoidance. It's really key that you have some sort of tool to help you with this, especially if you're not like me and you don't journal that sort of thing. So again, you can find that on untangledmind.net under resources, and you can find the downloadable workbook. So again, take your time with it. You know, that's that's what you need to do with it. That's what it's meant for. Maybe an hour, a couple, you know, for a week, an hour every day for a week. So it's not about punishing yourself, it's not about excusing yourself, but it is about understanding yourself. And how I've developed the workbook for this year is I've used it through the lens of the big five. And so you'll learn more about the big five. Again, clarity changes everything. Motivation, like we talk about in Year's Resolutions, does nothing. And I really hope that this conversation today gives you a different way for you to close out your year and to build your 2026. This brings us to the close of season six of the Untangled Mind podcast, landing on episode 72. That in itself is something I don't take lightly. To those of you who have listened, whether this is your first episode or you've been here for years, thank you. Truly. Your willingness to engage thoughtfully, to reflect, to wrestle with hard questions, and to resist an easy answer is not insignificant. At Untingled Mind, I hold a deep belief in the inherent dignity of each person listening. I believe in your capacity for growth, not performative growth, not forced optimism, but real, hard-won growth that comes from honesty, courage, and discernment. I believe healing is possible, not because life becomes easier, but because clarity increases and agency is restored. And I believe that untangling the mind and the heart is not a one-time event. It's a lifelong practice, one that requires reflection, humility, and the willingness to tell the truth about where you are and how you got there. As the season comes to a close and the year draws to an end, my hope is that you take what serves you, leave what doesn't, and carry forward what is true. Not rushed, not pressured, but absolutely grounded. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening with intention. Until next season, this is Piper Harris with Untangled Mind.